#or maybe she plays silly little mind games with me using my technology

[cocoaletta]

wip of hammer for this silly project, peep the funnee tags

[stylistiquements]

There was the silence and there were the stars | Corpse husband x reader -Among Us AU

Among us AU : There was something. Something in the silence and the harsh coldness -that only space was capable of- that turned your brain into a sarcastic and bored mess. Maybe that’s why you found yourself so interested by any sabotage pulled on the crewmates, maybe that’s what made him so interesting to witness. He was different from the rest of you. Different to an extend you were about to understand.

❚ Word count : 4.2k ❚ Warning : A bit angsty but you will get that fluffity fluff and touch starve feeling you require I promise ; swearing ❚ Note : there will be no mention of death or killing as it is basically a real life Among us, just some shenanigans. Y/C : your/color

A/N : This little thing was inspired by -⭐️ anon. It was a fun thing to write even though it took me way too long because I asked my brain “sir may I pls have the focus capacity I need” and brain said no (: so yeah, this is litteraly just me ranting n complaining about space. This is a bit angsty but as what if is way too happy for me that was a nice opportunity. I hope you won’t mind and appreciate it anyway. As always just let me know. As it’s my first time writing like a one shot thingy I’m really curious to know. Also it’s supposed to be proofread but if you find any mistake just take ur glasses off. Thanks. Enjoy the wild ride. 

You met him again. He was fixing wires while you were downloading some files on the computer. Difficulties happened regularly around here; various oddities that occurred from time to time, sometimes a few times a day. It would go from doors closing mysteriously to no electricity, you never knew which one it would be. Those inconveniences used to draw a smile on your lips, a grin you tried your best to hide from everyone else. The sound of the urging siren resounded in your head like a call, reviving the last spared spark left in your brain. At this point, you were pretty sure it was one of your crewmates’ doing, too many coincidences for any other options to be left. You didn’t mind though. The game started months ago but still amused you to this day. 

He never let a word escape his mouth. To your awareness, no one knew anything about him, no one had ever heard the sound of his voice which you could only dare to imagine since the two of you met. It felt silly, you fabricated this voice inside your head, a half-finished melody you played to keep your mind busy. It would have sounded just as an old piano would. So slightly out of tune that maybe, if you didn’t care enough or wished for it not to be true, you wouldn’t even notice. 

You called him black. It resonated with the color of his suit and the darkness that emanated from his soul. Not that he looked like a mischievous character, but rather like someone who would have been gnawed by life for years. A shade that reminded you of the bittersweet feeling 4 AM forced you to taste. Describing that presentiment was a challenge you couldn’t take. It was one of those things that had to be felt, not narrated. 

Shit.

He caught you staring again. How could you look any other way? There was something with him that appealed to you, that pulled your eyes toward his direction every time. Probably only a peak of unwarranted curiosity you couldn’t really be blamed for, probably the oh-so mysterious aura that floated so carelessly around him. He always had this way of sneaking in and out, just as if he was nothing but his own shadow. 

Yet, being near him was easy. Silence only felt comfortable when he was in your surroundings. The whole world stopped existing -and it had in fact since the first day you two met.

He had dark charcoal hair which fell so perfectly in curly strands around the two horns that crowned over his head. Paired with two ruby hued eyes, he truly was a sight for sore eyes. A wicked and breathtaking beauty, so unique it gave you the impression that he wasn’t even human. 

He used to hop in a vent after finishing his tasks. As if his true home was there; a secret hideout for him and him only. You didn’t even know it was a thing before you watched it with your own eyes. Who wouldn’t blame him. If you could have escaped that warmth deprived place too, even for 5 minutes, you would have. 

That’s why you never asked any question about it nor tried to investigate further. Being stuck in space was only a kid’s fantasy, nothing a fully conscious adult would inflict to themselves. Which, in itself, was pretty much self-explanatory about everyone’s mental condition in here.

It was also a pre-established rule, no questions. No one ever expressed it out loud, but you would have to be a fool not to guess it. Every crewmate grew accustomed to the deadly silence only space had to offer. A giant timeless hole where nothing really happened. With nothing but the smell of technology and the constant purr of engines as the only distractions left. See, living in a spaceship was no ordinary lifestyle : days and nights melted into each other until it became nothing but a groundless concept. The crewmates perceived it as comforting for some reason. You used to shrug it off, no questions. How unethical would you be to disturb their peace? 

If you had to be honest, you would probably say that you felt bad for Black. Nothing like pity, but being alone in this stark and brutal silence for this long must have been pretty life-consuming. That’s why, even though it made your cheeks and the tip of your ears flame up in a raw and unforgivable tint of pink, you always kept looking into his eyes for one more second after he noticed you. Just to be sure he knew that he wasn’t alone in this shit hole. You stared into the depth of those ruby eyes, hunting for silent answers to questions you weren’t even sure of in the first place. He never quivered, only stood motionless until his task was completed. Just locking the eye contact. After that, he always ran away as silently as he existed. Leaving your head disturbingly empty. 

Every single time. 

Something changed one day. You were about to prepare some test samples when it happened. He jumped off a vent and you followed his movements from the corner of your eyes, too distracted to remember about the task that was assigned to you. He ran to the door and proceeded to shut it. Within the last second, the one that always lasted hours, he put an index in front of his mouth. Silently asking for you not to say a word. And before the steel door could obstruct your vision completely, you noticed a smile on his lips. A smile that made the whole spaceship turn inside out, draining the blood out of your body in a painstaking, almost sore way. There you stood, intoxicated by stupefaction and trapped as a cat. 

Black mutated you into a self-depreciating joke : in here, you were only interestied in the impostor. The only one who made your day a little better was the one giving nightmares to the others. 

It was him, from the beginning. It was him and he smiled. A grin that twinkled maliciously from his lips to his eyes, wounding your heart in an insoluble way. It made every prejudice you had about him crumble : he was no longer that miserable existence you sensed he was but a quiescent sun that could radiate all around him once unleashed into the world. How did he do that? How could he be both the tunnel and the light at the end of it?

When red came to the rescue, she described you with a glare. She judged you in the not-so-pleasant way. You could always count on those glares to know their opinions about you. Because their judgment would have to be expressed one way or another. She thought you looked suspicious, with your half poured concoction into a hand and the rest of it in the other, just staring blankly into the void. You wouldn’t blame her for that. 

It stuck with you for days, filling your empty mind with the sight of a smile that could no longer be experienced. The scene shamelessly repeated itself in your mind until it became nothing but a progression of disassembled images, forcing you to taste the astonishment over and over again. The problem was, you hadn’t seen him for days. And, even though you wanted to know what happened, you couldn’t ask. That was the rule. 

What would you say anyway ? Black is the imposter and I watched him close medbay’s door ? Yeah, I don’t think so. You should have stopped him in the first place -and you would have if you weren’t just mesmerized.

So, you took each day -or night … or piece of time, whatever you wanted to call it since it was no longer existent- with composure. Forcing yourself to do any task with a meticulousness that didn’t look like you. Just to make sure your brain was busy enough not to think about it or him. Being trapped in a place and being trapped in your own mind are two different wrestles, yet in here those two intertwined perfectly. Just like the rest of it, it didn’t even make any sense : the guy smiled at you for ten seconds and here you were, an absolute clutter of questions and recollection. You were probably just too bored and he, as always, was the perfect distraction. That must have been it, right?

You walked in admin. Your heart skipped a beat before your eyes could process who stood in front of them. 

Look what the cat dragged in. 

His hair twirled flawlessly above his face, almost hiding a grimace that indicated so transparently his mind. You leaned against the door frame and crossed your arms, unabashedly watching him as he swiped his card frantically while sighting heavily every time that “bip” of failure rang. 

Eventually, he looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite read. You tried anyway, staring at him as if he was some sort of work of art that needed to be decrypted. From the way his chest moved heavily under the pressure of the irritation to the way his glowing eyes witnessed you. This expression on his face gave him a funny look, a scowl which made the laugh that tickled your throat hard to hold back. 

“Y-you have to do it slower. Otherwise, it won’t work” you stuttered. “I guess it’s harder since …” 

You walked to him carefully, so carefully you forgot your words. Just as if he was a wild animal who could run away if scared. Making sure no step would fall out of line. He was so close, so close, maybe if you tried to catch him this time he would stop running away. 

“Since it’s not my job, right ? Is that what you were about to say ?” he asked with a low voice, a voice you would have never dared to picture for him. Not the broken tone you pictured but a melody so sweet and so unique it felt like it was made just for your ears to enjoy, taunting you to dive into his mind.

“Do you need help” ? 

“I- hum- You’re not supposed to help me, you know ?” he stuttered, visibly amused, judging by the way his eyes wrinkled under his smile. 

“Are you gonna lock me in the room once again ?” He shook his head as a chuckle escaped from his lips. “Then who cares” you finally breathed.  

Your fingers brushed against his warm skin as you grabbed the card. You tried to appear unbothered, hoping so intensely for the swipe to be a first try success. That way, maybe he wouldn’t notice the way you breathed heavily under the weight of your pounding heart. But those red eyes piercing through the depth of your soul were hardly bearable for those like you who suffered from unbeknownst afflictions. 

You grew aware of his every move, the way those eyes fell on you, the perfume that emanated from his skin, the sound of his slow yet noticeable respiration.

You gave him his card back and he captured your fingers in the palm of his hand, making it impossible for you to escape his grip. Hiding those blushing cheeks from a sight that seemed to see everything was a defiance only the proudest people would be capable of. It wasn’t your case, but you counted on preserving the last sane cells left in your body. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” You whispered, avoiding any eye contact.

“I know that.”

 A simple answer that would never be enough to satisfy you. Yet, before you could review the best option of an answer, he left. Just as he always did, he walked away silently -still this time it seemed to last an eternity- while you just stood there inertly as you watched his black silhouette disappear into the endless gray hallways. 

You finally caught the breath you had been holding this whole time. Leaning over, you observed your reflection into the screen of the digital tablet as you rubbed your hands together, hoping for that strange spike of electricity that ran through your fingers to fade away quickly. A mess.

“There you are, Corpse” green said as he sat cross-legged in black’s secret place “I’ve been looking for you.”

Corpse was the name green chose for Black, feeling like it would be the most suitable image for the one who always worked in the shadow. Not the most refined nickname, yet black ironically related to that. Silent as a Corpse, he thought. A level of sarcasm that amused him and which probably led to him immediately falling in love with it. 

Corpse observed the little sprout on the top of Green’s head. It floated lightly and followed his every move. What a little freak. Just a thing deprived of any sort of self consciousness, out of this world just like he felt he was. Corpse remained fixated on it, hoping he could get as self-aware as it was. The last impromptu reunion he had with you was nothing he had planned, nothing that should have happened. He wouldn’t exactly call it a mistake and still, he had no one else but him to blame.

“Did something happened with y/c ? You seem a little flustered.” Green asked, pulling Corpse out of his overflowed mind. 

“I don’t know, I think I kinda fucked up.” He replied with a shrug. “I’ve been spotted.”

“Was it really a mistake ?”

Green was the only one who was granted with the privilege of learning how to understand Corpse. Because, deep inside, they grew up to be the same kind : the kind that didn’t belong here. Two sides of the same coin. 

Green’s social intelligence, on the other hand, Black didn’t like it that much. Thanks to that guy, he would be able to work comfortably in the darkness, where no one could see him, but it also meant that he saw clearly what was going through Corpse’s mind. Actually, it didn’t take him too long. 

What was the surprise when he realized it was you who lived rent-free in his thoughts? See, in Corpse’s eyes you were different from the others : too conscious about the reality that happened before yours eyes. It made you interesting to observe. What a delightful sight it was to watch you rolling your eyes in your crewmates’ face, to notice the serious look you had when you were focused on a task, the way your eyes sparkled every time a new sabotage was made. He wouldn’t track you, yet he would never resist a peek once your paths crossed. It happened often, more than you actually realized.

Yet, Corpse was no fool. You and him never belonged together. You were destined to a bright destiny and he was the obscurity. That’s why he was more than careful not to get too close, not to see his bare mind get burnt under the exposition of those peculiar feelings in the pit of his stomach. 

That’s why his previous reaction made no sense to him. But what could he say? You took him aback when those words were directed at him. You made his short-circuited brain unable to be sensible anymore. He just wanted to know what your touch would feel like under his fingers. Why was his skin blazing with electricity now ?

Corpse swallowed it all. From the blossoming feeling inside his body and mind to the warmth and the softness of your skin. He couldn’t feel that way. “I’m not really sure.” he finally said, as honest as he could be with himself. 

He would spend his next few days planning with Green, cornering you to a small part of his brain. You couldn’t be there, you had no right to be. The game was progressing faster than they anticipated it. It made him thrilled, accepting the challenge no one but the two of them could bear. 

However, a new unwanted seed grew into his mind. The idea that, maybe, you were only by his side in this game. That, maybe he would never be able to witness your existence in the real world.

“Have you ever noticed how weird the stars look sometimes ?” Corpse asked as he joined navigation. You jumped and your mind turned into a scattered place stuck between a task you battled to achieve and the proximity left between the two of you. Your heart beat in rhythm with his echoing, never ending footsteps. Still you had, indeed, noticed. “It’s like they’re not even real” you answered with a smile that made your voice higher. A melodic lift that betrayed your intention of ever finishing your job. 

When you finally looked at him, his lips moved into a satisfied curve. Shivers tickled your arms and your neck. Maybe because he was just standing so perfectly still in front of the glass window. So perfectly still that, among all those celestial bodies, he appeared to be the most beautiful one.  “Mind keeping me company for a bit?” Your mouth betrayed you when the question escaped your grip. But Corpse snorted faintly and shook his head.

“From all the people in here you want to spend time with me ? That’s probably not your wisest decision.” He said as he tried to muffle a high pitch laugh with a hand that covered his mouth.

See, that’s the words he had been afraid of since the first time he saw you. The words he would have to turn into derision since he knew he would have no strength to refuse. Yet, you stood there with those glimmering eyes and those eyebrows that arched in a strange manner, cutting every single inch of air out of his lungs. Even if he wanted to say no -and he should- he wouldn’t have been able to.

It was never meant to happen, not judging by your two so hostily opposed nature. Fuck that shit. Who cared about that speech when you were here and you were so beautiful?

You moved closer to him, a strenuous and slow tense that shouldn’t be disregarded. You’ve had seen the same scenery for months yet never it made you feel the same way as you did at that very moment. Because those balls of lights floating into the void shimmered in his ruby hued iris just as a dozen of fireflies would. He made your world a little blurry, narrowed to his presence at your side.

“You forgave me really easily the last time we met.” He noticed. “That’s a little sus if you asked me.”

“Well, what can I say ? You’re the only distraction I have left, so I’m not really in the position to hold grudges.” You shrugged sarcastically. 

“You’re really funny, I have to concede that” he said as his smile made its way to his eyes. 

Your brutally honest words intertwined with his chuckles and crewmates never heard the spaceship as lively as that time. That time when you got to discover who Corpse really was. A man who hid his blooming existence behind a silence.

“Why did you stay silent this whole time ?” You dared to ask before the silence fell upon the two of you, a silence that maybe you wouldn’t be able to endure this time.

“Because I never wanted to lie”

“I- ...hum- there’s really nothing I could say against that, right ?”

With every grin, every chuckle, every abrupt eye contact, your proximity kept embedding his mind a little deeper until you stole the stars’ show completely. It’s no good, you held his breath hostage when he realized he could feel the warmth stemming out of your skin. So tempted to get closer and witness it with further clearness. 

Thus, he lifted a hand that starved connection. He tried to close the gap between your two touches so prudently, so discreetly that you didn’t even notice. A touch, that would go beyond his movement, more like a proof he needed to make sure someone like you really existed in a shithole like this.  

He was so close. 

Yet, the alarm rang before he could embrace the object of his desire. “Better check that out quickly” you said with a sigh. Somehow, it felt peculiar just knowing that, this time, you were the one running away. A sense of some sort of joke played by space. As if space hadn’t done enough. When Green cut the communication, he couldn’t realize -If only he knew the double meaning of that sabotage. Ah, the irony of it all. 

“I’ll see you soon” Corpse informed you, more of a promise than a farewell and he stayed there long enough, staring numbly at his hand.

You ran until the communication room, holding this bittersweet feeling on the tip of your tongue. You tried to swallow it and almost found yourself praying that no one would arrive before you could. This way, maybe your fugue would make more sense. 

Blue was already sitting on the floor, trying to find the good frequencies. “I’m already on it.” she said on a plain, monotone voice. Of course, she fucking would be. 

Now what was left to do ? Corpse was probably already gone and-and the silence … the silence had returned. A dead, cold, cruel silence. It tested out your nerves, built up some pressure down your throat that made keeping your composure barely possible. Corpse slipped between your fingers again. The game was no longer a funny and pleasant diversion from the plain, austere daily life you had. You grew tired of that cat and mouse game. You just wanted him.

After going back to the oh-so empty navigation room, you completed your tasks. And you were finally done. You wandered around for hours, days -who knows-, searching for a purpose. 

The game was coming to an end, you could feel it. Something in the air changed, it became dryer than ever. Unbearable on your skin that ached for something you couldn’t apprehend. The crewmates were agitated, everyone kept running around day and night just to make sure the last tasks would be completed as soon as possible. New difficulties were triggered almost as soon as the last ones ended. Chaos. 

Just as if he wasn’t ready to end the game so soon, as if he didn’t want to get the hell out of this place as much as you did. From time to time, you almost found yourself eager to ignore the alarm. Taunting him one last time by neglecting his call. 

Maybe that way he would show up, maybe that way he would stay with you. Yeah, maybe that way he would stop being nothing but an ephemeral being that almost made you wonder if you finally gave up on your mind to the silence. Because at that moment he only felt like a chimera your brain created to protect you. Because you were just so fucking bored.  

You gave up on that idea, turning on the CCTV as you sighed. Just to see more colorful suits running around, trying to hold their shit together for what appeared to be the ultimate hour. Despite all the sabotages, it seemed like your number made your strength. You imagined Corpse’s face, probably piqued. A dark frown covering his pretty eyes. It made your lips twitch for a second. Who knew it would end this way ? Definitely not you. 

Yet that amused smile faded away when you heard the familiar sound of the door closing, locking you in yet another time. You rolled your eyes and turned around, unprepared to witness who locked themselves with you. His body laid against the door, guarding it as his chest moved frenetically under the weight of his rushing breath. 

“This is the end” he whispered frantically under his breath. He doesn’t look as worried as you thought he would, but it didn’t matter. You moved impulsively toward him, never stopping until he snaked a hand around your waist and slipped the other one in your back. That way, this time, there were no escape. 

He let his head rest in the hollow of your neck, soaking the divine and comforting warmth you had to offer. His warm breath on your skin sent shivers through your body which responded by squeezing him a little tighter, holding him as close to your heart as humanly possible. You could feel his, beating so fast.

“This is the end.” His whisper grounded on your skin. 

He lifted his head to dive into your eyes with the same sweet smile you offered him. The one which expressed the happiness, the relievment it felt to embrace him. 

“If it were for you, I would do it all over again.” You said, pressing your forehead against his, sharing a breath as you closed your eyes. One last attempt to memorize everything about him. You sensed his smile, so wide you didn’t even have to look at it to see. He left a trail of kisses on your cheeks and your hand wandered in his hair as a faint gasp escaped your lips.

Corpse looked back at you. And then, as his thumb drew light circles on your cheek. With glowing eyes that translated all the adoration he felt for you, he whispered “Maybe it was just meant to be”. And then, he closed the distance between the two of you, brushing your lips softly at first before capturing them completely once he was sure you felt the same way as he did. A kiss that tasted like 4AM and home. 

“I’ll find my way back to you, my love. I’ll find you in the real world.” He promised.

[daniclaytcn]

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

title: quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Summary: “In that warehouse,” Buck says. “I almost gave up.”

Eddie doesn’t bat an eyelash at his words. “I know,” He says, simply.

Buck isn’t sure why he’s saying this. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to confess this to Eddie, why this is something he needs for him to know. He also doesn’t know why Eddie is being so calm about it.

“I almost stopped fighting,” Buck continues, his voice breaking a little. 

“I know.” Eddie says, again. | Post 4x05: Buck Begins.

ao3 link

a/n: i wrote this when i should have been sleeping so it’s probably incoherent...pls excuse me..

tagging some people who may be interested: @malikjavaddzayn @evaneddie @matan4il @prettyboydiaz @firefighter-diaz  please let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list!

Seconds after Buck knocks, the door opens and Eddie is looking at him with an arched eyebrow. "Since when do you knock?" He asks teasingly.

 Buck shrugs wordlessly. The weight of the past couple of days he's had—his parents arriving in town, finding out about Daniel, god, the fire—all had been momentarily forgotten in the time he spent with Maddie after his shift, the relief that came with forgiving her making something that had been unbalanced shift back into place in his heart. However, after leaving her apartment, it had all come crushing down on him again, leaving him shaking and breathless in the aftermath. Before knowing he was doing it, he was taking the turn to Eddie's house instead of his own apartment and now here he was.

 "You're just in time," Eddie gestures for Buck to come in. "Dinner's almost ready."

 "I—I didn't tell you I was coming, though," Buck says, confused. Eddie grins at him.

 "I had a feeling you would." Not waiting for a reply, he turns to go into the living room. "Christopher! Look who's here!"

 Buck is greeted with an armful of Chris when he enters the room and he can't help but laugh, hoisting him into his arms. Pressing his face into Chris' hair and hearing his bright laughter, Buck feels some of the tension drain from his body.

 "Hey, buddy! Hope you don't mind me coming over so unexpectedly."

 Chris giggles as Buck puts him down, as if he's said the funniest thing ever. "Don't be silly, Buck! We always want you around."

 Buck feels his eyes burn with tears inexplicably and he's relieved that Chris chooses that moment to turn around to search for a drawing he wants to show him. Eddie says nothing, instead moving past Buck to leave the room, pressing a warm hand to his shoulder as he passes him.

 Chris takes Buck's hand and tugs on it, leading him to the kitchen. Buck's eyebrows raise at the sight of Eddie pulling a pan out the oven

 "Dad cooked," Chris informs him. Buck chuckles.

 "Maybe I shouldn't have come over," He jokes. Eddie throws a dish towel at him, scowling.

 "It's just mac and cheese," He retorts. "And I'll have you know I've gotten better at cooking over the pandemic. Make yourself useful and set the table."

 Shifting into the usual routine of dinner time at the Diaz household has a comforting familiarity to it, Buck thinks, as he moves around the kitchen, grabbing plates and glasses, knowing where everything is supposed to be without even thinking about it. They sit down at the table to eat, Chris chattering away about his day as Buck listens on, barely suppressing an eye roll when Eddie not-so-subtly heaps two servings onto his plate. God, his best friend can be such a dad sometimes.

 As dinnertime comes to an end, though, Buck can feel the lightness begin to slip away, tension gathering in his shoulders once more and his smiles come less easily, not even Christopher’s cheer being able to bring them out easily. Eddie seems to notice (of course he does) and quickly stands to gather their plates.

 “Chris, I think it’s time you start getting ready for bedtime,” he says and Chris groans dramatically.

 “Dad, can’t I stay up? It’s not even a school night!”

 “Nope,” Eddie hums. “Rules are rules, Chris, you know how it is.”

 Chris groans again but doesn’t argue his point and gets up. “Goodnight, Buck,” he murmurs, and Buck bends down to receive his hug almost automatically, barely registering it. Thankfully, Chris doesn’t seem to notice that anything is amiss and pulling back, grins at him before leaving.

 “Hey,” Buck startles as Eddie taps him on the shoulder and looks up at the barely concealed worry in his friend’s face. “Why don’t you go wait in the living room? I’m gonna go tuck Chris into bed.”

 “It’s late,” Buck mutters. “Maybe I should leave.” He doesn’t want to. It’s almost more than he can stand, right now, the thought of leaving the warmth of Eddie’s house, of Eddie, to go back to his apartment, that has never felt like home the way Eddie and Christopher have. But he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome. He’d once told Maddie that he’s not really a guest in Eddie’s house, but now, with his entire world, with everything he’d ever known about himself turned upside down, he can’t be sure of anything.

 Eddie shakes his head and repeats, a little more firmly. “Wait for me in the living room.”

 Buck goes, helpless but to do as he asks. He looks around at the room as he sits down on the couch, Chris’ homework on the side tables, the video game consoles scattered around it, Eddie’s jacket tossed over a chair—just a few weeks ago, he had been on this couch with Eddie and Christopher, playing video games and teasing Eddie about his newfound fear of technology. Just a few weeks ago, he had been in this same spot, happy and lighthearted with two of his favorite people in the world.

 Just a few weeks ago, he hadn’t felt this overwhelming sense of wrongness and uncertainty, like everything was collapsing around him and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

 Eddie returns shortly, sinking down into the couch beside him, his shoulders pressing into Buck’s; solid and grounding. Buck lets out a shaky exhale, ducking his head as he feels his eyes burn with tears again. He doesn’t want Eddie to see him like this, cracked in a hundred places and this close to falling apart. Which doesn’t make sense, he knows, Eddie has been there during some of the worst moments of his life; he was there holding his hand while his leg was being crushed under a firetruck, he had seen him choke on his own blood during that welcome-back party; there was no end to it. But this—this was just too much. Too vulnerable. Too raw, and open and exposed.

 Eddie says nothing, just sitting there, a line of warmth and stability against Buck, waiting for him to open up. And Buck does, inevitably.

 “I forgave my parents,” He doesn’t look at Eddie while he says it, but can feel him stiffen momentarily before he relaxes again.

 “That must have been hard,” Eddie says, his words so similar to Maddie’s just a few hours ago. Buck shrugs in response, talking about it with his sister had been hard enough, he doesn’t really want to get into the why’s of it again.

 “I just feel like---” Buck stops himself and sighs in frustration. “I feel like this should have brought me some sort of relief, right? Taken some of the weight off my shoulders? Now that I actually have some context to what they did, and why-“

 “Hey,” Eddie interrupts, almost sharply. “Your parents lost a child, and that’s terrible. But them ignoring the two living children they had, not being there for their kids who actually needed them? That is on them and nothing can excuse that. You are well within your rights to feel angry, Buck.”

 Buck shakes his head. “I am so tired of being angry,” He says. “But---I still am. I thought forgiving them would make me feel less angry, but it didn’t. I am so angry that they kept my brother a secret from me, all this time. I am so angry that they forced Maddie to keep that secret, when she was just a child. I am so angry that I was finally, finally, doing better, feeling more secure and good about myself and my life and it took just one visit from them to turn it all upside down!”

 He sucks in a deep breath and buries his head in his hands, shaking slightly. He did not mean to explode like that. Hell, he doesn’t even know where it all came from. He had no idea he was even feeling like that before it all burst out.

 I sometimes hide my true feelings, Buck remembers telling his therapist that one time, and he chuckles hollowly at the memory.

 Eddie lays a hand on his shoulder, the pad of his thumb drawing soothing circles over his sleeve and remains quiet until Buck raises his head again, eyes wet.

 “It’s clear to me, now,” Buck says. “Everything I ever did to try and win their affection, to win their love—none of it mattered. I was set up to fail since the very beginning. The entire time, whenever they looked at me, all they could see was Daniel and I would never measure up in their eyes. How could I compete with that? God,” He scrubs a hand across his face roughly and lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m jealous of a dead person. How fucked up is that?”

Something shutters in Eddie’s expression and he ducks his head for a moment, swallowing. “I understand completely,” He murmurs. Before Buck can really think about it, Eddie is talking again.

 “It was never on you to win your parents’ love, Buck,” He says. “It’s not something that needs to be won, it’s something that has to be freely given. And your parents—they—no matter the loss they were mourning, the way they made you feel like every scrap of their attention needed to be earned was unacceptable. You have to know that. I mean—” He sighs and pauses for a moment. “I have made a lot of mistakes with Christopher, but I can never imagine doing to him what your parents did to you and your sister. It’s unthinkable.”

 Buck manages to smile at that and says, his voice breaking a little, “You’re a really great dad.”

 Eddie chuckles and shakes his head. “I hope so,” He murmurs. “At least, I try to be. And sometimes, trying is the best you can do. It’s what every parent should do.”

 Trying, huh? Philip and Margaret Buckley certainly hadn’t. They had given up on Buck the moment he’d failed to save his brother, Buck is certain of this no matter how they might say otherwise. They had given up on Maddie when she married Doug. They were never willing to try when things got hard, instead that burden had been placed on their children and Maddie and Buck had carried it even into their adulthood, without even noticing.

 He had never felt that burden so acutely as he did in the fire, as he relived his entire life, seeing his past through new eyes as he fought desperately to save Saleh from the flames and himself, from giving into all that despair and guilt and hopelessness. And in the end, he hadn’t had to carry it alone, because the 118, his family, stepped in to carry it with him.

 “In that warehouse,” Buck says. “I almost gave up.”

 Eddie doesn’t bat an eyelash at his words. “I know,” He says, simply.

 Buck isn’t sure why he’s saying this. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to confess this to Eddie, why this is something he needs for him to know. He also doesn’t know why Eddie is being so calm about it.

 “I almost stopped fighting,” Buck continues, his voice breaking a little.

 “I know.” Eddie says, again.

 “You’re not—” Buck clears his throat and says, hoarsely, “You’re not…I don’t know—” He can’t finish.

 Upset? Angry? Disappointed?

 Eddie, evidently, doesn’t need him to say it. “No,” He says, his voice impossibly soft. “I know what it’s like. I’ve been there.”

 Oh. Of course, that’s—Buck doesn’t know whether he is referring to Afghanistan or the well, when he was buried under thirty feet of mud. Or both.

 Buck doesn’t ask, and Eddie doesn’t elaborate.

 “It feels easy, to just stop resisting,” Eddie continues. “But then, you remember that you have something to live for. A family that loves you.”

 Buck shakes his head, almost automatically. “My parents—”

 “I’m not talking about your parents,” Eddie says, firmly. “I am talking about your sister, Bobby, Athena, the 118—”

 “—you?” Buck finishes, something in his heart lifting at the soft smile Eddie gives him in return.

 “Yeah, me,” Eddie says. “And Christopher,” He pauses, suddenly looking almost uncertain. “That is, if you’ll have us.”

 If he’ll have them? Buck almost laughs hysterically—what sort of question is that? Surely, Eddie has to know—to have him and Christopher as his family would be everything and more. He wants it, all of it, so badly that it’s almost terrifying. He wants Eddie, in any and every single way possible, no matter how selfish it is.

 “Eddie, you don’t know what that means to me,” Buck says, instead.

 Eddie smiles. “I think I have some idea,” He says, and reaches out, slipping his hand into Buck’s. Buck can feel his breath catch, his heart leaping at the gentle touch, at the way Eddie’s fingers slot so perfectly between his. It is at times like these, that he thinks that Eddie might return the feelings he has for him, the feelings that are definitely not those of friendship. But he can never bring himself to cross that line, too afraid of being wrong, of ruining one of the best things he has in his life.

 They sit in silence for a few minutes. After a while, Buck glances at the clock.

 “It’s getting late,” He says reluctantly. “I should go.”

 “Stay.” Eddie says. Buck’s pulse quickens, he knows that Eddie doesn’t mean it that way, yet—

 “I think—”

 Eddie shakes his head. “Stay. Please.”

 And how can Buck say no to that?

 He nods wordlessly and allows himself to lean into Eddie, his eyes drifting shut. This is slowly exceeding the realm of best friend behavior, but Buck can’t find it in himself to care at the moment, especially when Eddie turns into him, resting his head on his shoulder.

 For now, he can have this.

 For once, he can be enough.

[drprettyboyspence]

Online shopping, who knew?

Dr. Spencer/reader

Summary: Spencer Reid has never been the biggest fan of technology, until he starts dating Y/n, who just happens to love technology a little too much.

words: 1.1k

warnings: Spencer Reid wasting money? nothing else to my knowledge!

a/n: this is honestly such a crack fic that I just thought was a silly idea haha

Spencer Reid had never been “normal”. As a little boy he had pushed aside the “traditional” interests of most of the little boys in Las Vegas. His father had pushed him to play baseball, get into sports, but Spencer would rather have locked himself in his bedroom and master calculus than step out on that field and hit a ball with a bat, feeling it was the most primitive form of entertainment that he had no interest in whatsoever. Spencer loved models of the solar system, he loved dictionaries and books of all sorts, but there was one thing in particular that Spencer Reid simply did not like.

Ever since Spencer Reid was a little boy he didn’t like technology all that much. Sure, it was helpful and allowed for new discoveries in science and about every other field out there, which Spencer Reid obviously supported, but he just never liked technology all that much. His team knew about his aversion to all things technological, and when Garcia had splurged on new tablets for each of the members, Spencer had opted for good old pen, paper, and printed pictures.

Then Spencer Reid met Y/n, the newest member of the BAU who every member of the team, especially Spencer, had found themselves completely enamored with as soon as she joined the team. Just months into Y/n’s employment with the BAU, she and Spencer had begun dating and within a year moved in with each other, the relationship moving fast but the two of them completely in love with each other. Y/n Y/l/n loves technology, she loves playing online games, she loves reading ebooks, something Spencer Reid would never be on board with, paper books are better! Which they’ve argued a million times about of course. She loves doing research online in order to expand her knowledge, and most of all, Y/n loves online shopping. The entire team loves to make jokes about their youngest team member’s obsession, Morgan had even put together an intervention for her when they found out just how much online shopping she was doing per week. At first, Spencer Reid tried to get his girlfriend to stop her addiction, I mean, how many clothes does the girl need? Spencer thinks she looks perfect in anything she puts on so he honestly doesn’t really understand why she needs new outfits all the time. Then Y/n had bought some lingerie and okay maybe Spencer starts to see the appeal of online shopping, but he would never ever admit that to anyone, not even Y/n. So looking back on Spencer’s history with technology and his aversion to the habits of his beloved girlfriend, no one is more surprised than Spencer himself when he finds himself entering the fourth hour of online shopping one Saturday night when Y/n had gone over to Garcia’s house to hang out with the girls of the BAU team.

He had picked up Y/n’s computer because her birthday was coming up and as much as he doesn’t like anything related to online shopping, he loves his girlfriend so much more, so he decided he should buy her something for her birthday. He had started browsing the stores he knew Y/n liked and all of a sudden it was like a switch tripped in Spencer’s brain, there’s so much stuff online! So much stuff to buy! He buys Y/n a dress that he knows she’ll love and he’ll love to see on her, he buys her a new case for her laptop as she had been complaining about her broken case when they have to travel so much for work, and he buys her a new go-bag, something that they always need when, once again, the couple are almost always traveling for their vigorous jobs at the BAU. Then he starts seeing items that oh no he most definitely does not need but yes he does. Who needs an air fryer? Spencer Reid and Y/n need an air fryer that’s who, Spencer never knew they were so versatile! He can make so many things so quickly, which will come in handy when him and Y/n are always rushing out the door somewhere.

Then Spencer enters the dangerous world of Halloween decorations. Oh my lord, it being the end of August, Spencer is anxiously awaiting the onset of his absolute favorite time of the year, therefore he buys Halloween decoration after Halloween decoration until the cart is filled with masks to scare Morgan with at work, candy to give out granted the two are home this Halloween, and fake cobwebs to decorate their apartment as well as the BAU office if he can get away with it, Hotch might not be on board with transforming the bullpen into a spooky wonderland. There’s also the huge amount of clothes that Spencer finds himself buying, he doesn’t put too much thought into his clothes, but he likes to think he looks professional at work, so he finds himself buying a whole variety of ties, and socks, because Spencer Reid hates wearing matching socks and they have so many fun patterns of socks online, who knew! He also begins shopping for Christmas, four months early but Spencer Reid definitely isn’t deterred by that fact.

All of a sudden Spencer starts yawning a bit and he looks at the clock, it being almost two o’clock in the morning at this point and Spencer starts giggling. Spencer Reid doesn’t do this, he hardly ever uses technology except for when Garcia works her magic to solve a case for them, Spencer Reid certainly doesn’t online shop, but here he is with over $500 worth of random online items. Spencer places his orders before he can use his brain to convince himself it’s not a good idea to buy a bunch of items he definitely doesn’t need, then he shuts Y/n’s laptop and throws it across the bed, feeling like it had attacked him, had he been hypnotized? Spencer Reid gets ready for bed and texts Y/n goodnight, before falling asleep extremely quickly, embarrassingly worn out by his ventures online. Spencer honestly feels like his adventures of online shopping had been just a dream.

Y/n comes back and the next day they’re called to Houston to solve yet another serial killer case, so the items Spencer had bought online fade to the very back of his mind. They’re walking up the stairs to their apartment when Spencer sees the boxes, there are probably ten huge boxes ands bags from assorted stores in front of their door. Y/n starts laughing, her laugh getting more intense until she can barely breathe.

“Spence?” she gasps out, “you want to tell me about your activities online?” she says still laughing. Spencer sighs and face palms, he is never going to live this down, that’s for sure.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week: 2021-03-01

First Monday of the Month. My boss just quit at work which means I'm now the only formally trained engineer left who has any particular specialization in embedded systems. This week is going to be a doozy.

I also wrote a Very Long set of media updates because I’ve been consuming some stuff that makes me think a lot. Never a good sign.

Listening: I spent all of Saturday playing Minecraft after talking with some friends about it during the week on IRC. Practicing what I preach with regards to my Large Biome Supermacy policy, which does involve a lot of walking. Hence, I started catching up on The Adventure Zone: Graduation again, I'm like ten episodes behind.

https://maximumfun.org/episodes/adventure-zone/the-adventure-zone-graduation-ep-32-by-a-haircut/

I don't really enjoy Travis' DM'ing style. It's very loose and he has a tendency to let players run wild without much structure which is a tricky thing to handle. He does a lot of worldbuilding and character design but doesn't seem to plan much in the way of arcs. That pays off sometimes (returning to the school to realize they broke a promise they made a few sessions earlier and had to deal with consequences, for example) and when it does, it’s really good, but it's finnicky. I know DM's who can do that, but, well, actually I know One Single DM who can do that well and she's absurdly smart.

Reading: Still on Worm, I just got past chapter 8 or so now. It lives in my phone browser so I've mostly been reading it whenever I get some spare time, which is a good sign. If a book doesn't grab me I need to really settle down in a quiet space to avoid getting distracted, but I can read Worm while someone else is on the phone in the same room.

It is a story with a lot of very well-conveyed feelings and events. It's very easy to imagine yourself in it. Characters actually act like they care about what they're doing, I feel like writing this took a lot of care to keep everyone on model.

There's also a certain care given to the superpowers that you'd usually only see in forum posts arguing about an actual superhero story. Everyone always likes to argue about how far you can push a superpower: can you use teleporting to fly? What prevents a speedster from catching fire in the air? Where does the energy for a  pyrokinetic ability come from? Worm takes these and runs with them as a way to make absolutely any fight become a series of gambits relying on whether a power can or cannot be used to perform some high-stakes trick.

The world certainly has some underpinning contrivances to explain why no one gets killed very often but I've always considered nitpicking the base contrivances of a setting silly, because that's precisely what they are: contrived, in order to allow the rest of the story to flow from there. Like arguing about Omega’s abilities in the famous thought experi-*I am dragged off stage by the ratblr police for making a by now extremely stale joke*

Watching: I came and edited this section in like an hour before this posts because I keep on forgetting to put it in. I don’t really like watching TV and with my parents stuck at home in Pandemic Times it’s how they pass the time.

I did finish S3 of the Good Place. It’s very funny. I’m glad I’m watching it and I’m going to have to go find S4 because ZA Netflix doesn’t have it for whatever reason. It feels a little like it was written by Phillip Pullman if Phillip Pullman was a comedy TV writer.

I also really enjoyed the PBS Spacetime video about how time causes gravity. Love when an explanation of concepts is good enough that you drawn the conclusion on your own.

Playing: Visual Novel Hell plus Minecraft.

I spent approximately seven hours in Minecraft over two days. I tend to hop in and out of games for 1-2 hours at a time but there's a handful that can suck me in for an entire day. Minecraft, Warframe, Horizon Zero Dawn, Night in the Woods. Bastion, to a lesser extent. I end up avoiding them because I don't like loosing entire days, but I wasn't really planning on doing anything this weekend anyways.

Minecraft was mostly a long-ass trek to find a saddle, because as previously mentioned, I enjoy playing it with Large Biomes for the sense of scale.

I also completed Act 3 of Psycholonials and Eliza.

Psycholonials is odd. It is doing the thing that Hussie does where it dances around what's ostensibly the story to carry out the actual story. You get used to the trope after your first encounter but it still makes you wonder when the other shoe will drop, and of course, there's no reason it ever has to. The story may remain in suspended animation behind the every growing mess of narrative red tape tying the B-plot together.

Stories about Social Media have no well established norms. I think I might pick up Feed by M. T. Anderson and also perhaps Hank Green's books sometime. See what context they set that in.

Eliza is frustrating to me. It's a game for programmers, by programmers, about programmers. I'm friends with a lot of Capital P Programmers, the types who go to university and get sniped for developer positions at Seattle or Silicon Valley tech companies and who make great and terrible things and then warn you about the deep problems that underpin the slowly rolling ball of venture capital and bloated technology that is the tech industry. But at the same time, it makes me feel like I've burnt out on that conceptually before I even went in. It’s a whole other world that I’m familiar with but very distant from. In fact, that’s kinda how I feel about Psycholonials too. I’m familiar with the social media rat race but I also don’t go there. Parallels!

My cousins (who are halfway to Capital P Programmers, only so much you can do halfway around the world from silicon valley) warned me not to go into CS, because it would bore me, and that's a non-trivial part of why I'm in Engineering. They gave the same advice about Biology and Physics, without that I may have ended up in Microbiology. it’s not my domain, but because of how Engineering is going, you end up a lot closer to programmers than you think. I found out the other day that most of the software developers on my team have no formal tertiary qualifications, which is accepted in CS but of course, right out when it comes to engineering. It’s a whole other world that I kinda expected to skip around. I might go into this another time, since this post is already getting long.

Making: I haven’t done any engineering scicomm posts on here in a while so I started a few blank drafts and finally got one off the ground. With some luck I’ll have that ready this week. What’s it about? Not saying! It might change!

I’ve been doing layout for a custom keyboard, I need to call a laser cutting place and find out what their kerf requirements are so I can adjust the path accordingly. Wouldn’t do to burn a couple hundred rand on an oversized part, I’m paying for this, not my employer like the other times I’ve done laser cutting, so I’m probably not going to spring for getting one of their designers to check my design. At some point I should CAD up a chassis, but at the same time I might just buy some wood and go ham with a router once I get the plates cut.

Computers Slot: I got WeeChat set up properly on my desktop, which technically was just a matter of getting my SSH keys moved over. It’s taking me forever to move in to Cinnabar, in part because Stibnite lost her boot partition and I haven’t bothered to fix it.

So here’s a pitch for WeeChat as a good quality Terminal UI IRC Client. Many of my closest friends live there and it has a good set of tools to help me keep in touch.

WeeChat is very configurable but with perfectly sane defaults, I didn’t configure it for years. The UI is smarter and less arcane than something like irssi, and if you enable mouse support it can be downright modern. Running it remotely like this limits some features but as long as you don’t mind jumping through a few hoops to do filesharing, IRC is really great like this.

One of the big ones is the ability to do that double-pane thing, I can keep an eye on two channels at once (really as many as I can cram on my screen, but usually two) which is great when you want to browse channels while talking in your home channel.

It also has a good array of remote access tools, from what I’m running up there, just weechat running on my server inside tmux connected over mosh for low-latency SSH, to weechat-relay, a relay protocol built in to weechat. At the moment relay only supports android phones and the glowingbear web client, but I’ve never really looked around since both of those cover all my needs. Easily one of the best ways to get IRC on a modern mobile device, barring maybe IRCCloud.

[candlelight27]

Chapter 2: Reach For My Hand

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: Objetification (?), anxiety attack, curse words

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 4562

AO3: Reach For My Hand

A/N:  Sorry it took too long. My writing process is unpredictable. Besides, it was a boring chapter at first and I think I managed to make it interesting? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  If you have suggestions, requests, theories or whatever leave a comment of come talk to me on tumblr - same username.

Your first week of university had passed all at once. Time flew between jotting down notes, going back and forth, meeting all your new teachers and, overall, trying to survive. Thankfully, Lysithea had shared all her notes with you, so you weren’t that lost – since Claude was keen on gossiping with you in the middle of lessons…

…And since Sylvain proved himself to be a huge distraction. And an active one, in fact.

The ominous day Byleth paired you with him, Sylvain had approached you after class. Hands in his pockets, his chest a little puffed and a glamorous grin on his face, he had the perfect pose to be on the cover of a teenage magazine. And with his casual tone, he nonchalantly asked you for your number..  

“We better stay in touch to finish the project”, he added. Your heart skipped a beat – or two or three – and you nodded. You hoped that excitement would go unnoticed. There was the slightest shyness in his voice, but you discarded the thought. It was absurd to consider you’d awaken even the smallest amount of insecurity in him, regarding the fact that he was the embodiment of confidence.

“Sure”, you smiled and grabbed a pen. Sylvain stopped you muttering a ‘wait’ and took out his phone. He opened a tab for a new contact.

“Here, write your number.” You took it and started writing. Then, it hit you that Sylvain actually knew how you were called. He had edited the blank space, where you saw all the letters that spelt your name standing triumphantly. He even had added a heart emoji next to it. So, even if he had never acknowledged your existence, he was aware of it.  

“Write me whenever you feel like it,” he said with a wink. Your name rolling out of his lips was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

As he went away and followed Mercedes out of the classroom, Claude rose his eyebrows.

“Well, that went better than expected. Our plan is running smoothly,” he hit you with his elbow.

“Your plan, Claude. I never agreed to it,” you sighed, while he just chuckled and let it be.

But that wasn’t the end of the phone matter. Not at all.

The next day you met your new teacher, Catherine. She was interesting, and she made her lessons about the Evolution of Warfare quite enjoyable – which was itself a great deed, in your opinion. However, there was a downside, and it was that the blonde woman talked your ears off with her millions of tales that weren’t that interesting and definitely not exam material.

It was early and you were barely awake when you felt the light vibration of a message on your mobile phone. Who could be at that hour? You looked next to you. Marianne was as still as a corpse, Claude was probably asleep and Lysithea was fiercely taking notes, so it was not any of them trying to be discreet. Ingrid would never use her phone during a lesson, so she was ruled out too.

With caution, you unlocked the screen of your phone and placed it on your lap.

Unknown 09:45: Are you bored too?

Did Dorothea change her number again?

You 09:46: Who are you?

Unknown 09:46: Look right 😊

You did. And you came across Sylvain waving at you. You saved his number quicker than you’d like to admit.

You 09:48: Good morning, Sylvain

You 09:48: And yes, I’m bored to death

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a smile gracing Sylvain’s countenance, and you felt like a schoolgirl all over again.

Sylvain 09:49: Is Claude asleep? For real?

You 09:50: Most likely…

And that was the beginning of your academic doom.

It turned out that Sylvain was a compulsive text-writer. He wasn’t shy about sending you millions of messages at any time. And you, foolish as always, responded every last one of them. Against your will, as you typed on your phone, butterflies flied around your stomach.

The first days, he limited your interactions strictly to Catherine’s lessons and breaks. But as the week progressed, you found yourself going to sleep a little later just to share a few more words with the infamous flirter.

You two didn’t have meaningful conversations at all. You talked about high school, books, films, you shared jokes and silly occurrences… Yet it made you feel that an already existing connection tying you with Sylvain was awakening. It was absurd, to think there was a bond that had been formed before between both of you, but you couldn’t cast aside that sensation. Like a distant memory of a dream you once had. Like the primal needs our bodies feel. You felt there was something that linked you with him, and it was ancient and significant.

When Claude discovered what you and Sylvain were up, he was delighted.

“Don’t you realize that’s just what we needed for our plan?”, he opened his eyes and leaned in closer, so your classmates wouldn’t hear him.

“Again, your plan, Claude”, you shook your head. “And you seem to be making it up as it goes.”

“Well, that’s my charm, darling,” he laughed, and went on playing with his phone. You threw him your best deadpan look.

With so many distractions, the weekend arrived in the blink of an eye. It was rather cloudy when you woke up, and late, because it was Saturday and you didn’t have any obligation. You rolled in bed, throwing away your blanket and yawning.

Then, you heard a thud next to you. It was your phone. You remembered you had been talking with Sylvain when you fell asleep. You deliberated if maybe it wasn’t better to ignore him for a day. You were starting to get your hopes up, and you wanted to avoid another disappointment. But as if your hands moved on their own, you opened the conversation to see what you had missed.

Sylvain 01:13: What do you mean you HAVEN’T seen Loog and the Maiden of Wind???

You 01:15: ??

You 01:15: What’s wrong?

Sylvain 01:17: It’s Ingrid’s favourite film!

Sylvain 01:18: More like, she loved complaining about how they got all the scenes from the book wrong

Sylvain 01:18: Still she made me watch it like 1819341973 times

You 01:19: She wanted me to watch it

You 01:20: I just happen to have really good excuses 😉

Sylvain 01:25: Well you are going to watch it with me

You 01:26: Why would I?

Sylvain 01:27: It’s called solidarity

You 01:27: I don’t have that

(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: ☹

(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: Please, suffer with me

(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: C’mon I promise I’ll be good, I won’t bite you

(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: Unless you ask me 😉😉😉

(Unread) Sylvain 01:35: So I’m going to believe that you’re asleep and are not in fact ignoring me

(Unread) Sylvain 01:34: Good night, princess <3

You sighed and got up. What were you getting yourself into? And what were you trying to achieve? ‘Don’t implicate yourself too much’, has said Claude, but you were already in too deep. But your friend probably knew as much and was plotting something entirely different.

Ignoring your best judgment, you started typing.

You 09:53: Good morning!

Goddess, you felt stupid.

“Good morning”, greeted Ingrid when you left your room. “I got some pastries for breakfast.”

“Nice.”

You sat next to her and started to munch on the first sweet piece you found. The television filled the room with a comforting background noise. You were half listening the weather and the news. Your phone suddenly beeped, indicating you had a new text message. You looked at the screen with discretion and unlocked it with an unbothered appearance, trusting Ingrid wouldn’t ask questions.

Sylvain 10:01: I unilaterally decided we’re watching the film today, princess

You couldn’t hide your expression, and Ingrid looked your way.

“Who are you texting?”, she tried to use a teasing tone. “I’ve never seen you so hooked on your phone. Is it Claude?”

There was no use in lying, so you’d answer thruthfully. You could even get some intel about Sylvain without revealing your game if you played your cards well.

“Oh, no. It’s Sylvain?” You feigned disinterest.

“Is he bothering you? I could scare him off,” she offered, with her eyebrows furrowed.

“What? Don’t do it.” A small and nervous laughter escaped your mouth at the idea.

“Don’t tell me he’s done it”, Ingrid said, and she rested her head on her hands, her attention focused on you.

“What has he done?”

“Charming you!”, she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Ingrid, I was paired with him for some project. That’s all,” you assured her.

“Well, just don’t fall for him. He can be very disgusting sometimes. He’s a good friend, but he’s not a good boyfriend.” She hummed. “As far as I know, of course.”

“Don’t worry,” you smiled, appeasing, “I’ll be fine.”

“It’s weird, though. He never texts anyone on his own accord. He always says it’s a waste of time.”

“It’s for the project. No biggie,” you affirmed, yet you knew you’d have to keep in mind that fact.

“Ah, that must be it,” Ingrid shrugged. “He may be always chasing skirts, but he’s very diligent with academic matters.”

You 10:15: I have a better idea

You 10:16: Let’s go to the library and start Byleth’s project

You weren’t ready for watching a film with him. In the best-case scenario, you’d faint like Bernadetta on your high school days.

Sylvain 10:17: The library? In this era of technology?

You 10:17: Yes.

Sylvain 10:18: Okay, fine

Sylvain 10:19: You are right, old-fashioned university professors love their bibliographies filled with books :/

Sylvain 10:19: But you owe me one film

You 10:19: … we’ll see.

You 10:19: Let’s meet at the library at 6 p.m.

“I’m going to the library with Sylvain today,” you commented to Ingrid.

“Do you mind if I invite Ashe over?”

Well, you weren’t expecting that. You noted mentally to compare notes with Dorothea, because now you didn’t have any doubt that there was something going on between her and Ashe. Never ever had she invited a guy before that wasn’t Felix, Sylvain, or Dimitri.

“Oh, yeah, go ahead, I don’t mind,” you encouraged her.

“Cool!”

 You were getting ready, mulling over what you were going to wear. You didn’t want to try too hard, this wasn’t a date, but nevertheless you wanted to look good – despite the fact that if anyone ever asked you, you’d completely refuse that thought had crossed your mind. It was absurd, but denial helped you to keep going.  

As you struggled to decide, you heard Ingrid biding you goodbye and the door being closed. You supposed she was going to meet Ashe and bring him to your place. You grinned to yourself. Immediately after, your phone started ringing. It was Dorothea. She had a distinctive melody that she sang herself for you. What on earth could have made her call you? She was the queen of voice messages.

“Yes?”, you began.

“You better tell me what the fuck is happening!”, she yelled with her usual dramatic twist.

“What is happening?” You were quite confused and tried to go over all the things she could be referring to.

“Don’t play dumb. First, Ingrid is all starry-eyed when she talks about Ashe and now you have a date with Sylvain? Is the water in your apartment poisoned?” You wondered how she found out, but Dorothea had a sixth sense for love affairs.

“Well, Ingrid is the one with an actual date,” you pointed to divert her attention. “I’m just going to the library because-”

“Because a project? Why does it sound so familiar? Ah, yes, it’s what I told my parents when I was going to make out with a classmate in high school. And don’t distract me throwing Ingrid to the wolves.”

“What do you want of me?”, you exclaimed out of frustration.

“A confession!”

“Who are you? Seteth?” You could hear Dorothea’s sweet laugh at your joke.

“How could I be so stupid? Your crush has been Sylvain all these years!”, she was creating a fuss on the other side of the phone. “I’m not going to lie, I didn’t expect that, not in the least.”

“You are assuming way too much.”

“Shut up! I guess Sylvain is a whole reason himself to keep it a secret, but you should have told me.” Dorothea made a pause. “My poor baby suffering all those years in silence! Aunty Dorothea is here to comfort you!”

“Quit the joking. Now tell me what I should wear for my not-a-date”, you said indignantly.

“Oh, right. Do you recall the Red Canyon? You definitely should put on that thing you wore. It will catch his eye, but it doesn’t seem way too elaborated.”

“Thank you, Dorothea, you are a genius. Are you reading my mind?”

“Really? I can see right through you”, she giggled. “You haven’t changed. And I would you why you are so worried about your clothes when it’s not a date, but you’d just mutter any excuse and ignore me altogether.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Now, inform me of you not-a-date with Sylvain when you’re finished right away, okay?”, she finished with her motherly intonation.

“Fine, fine! Goodbye, I have to go now!” You saw the time and it was really late.

You got dressed in a hurry and grabbed your laptop, some notebooks and a couple of pens.

 By the time you arrived at the library, Sylvain was already there. He was looking around, his bag grabbed laid causally on his back, hold by the handle with his strong fist. His other hand was resting in his pocket.

While his appearance was laid back, you were a bundle of nerves. As soon as your gaze found him, you felt a knot form in your gut. You denied that the young man could have that kind of effect on you, but the evidence was overwhelming. Why did it have to be so difficult in person? It had been so easy when you didn’t have to see his face – so handsome it was unnerving. You were the opposite you had been on your telematic conversations, far from your calm, charming and charismatic charade.

He was wearing a simple long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. It was a mystery for you why he didn’t opt for a modelling career. You forcibly reminded yourself that despite his beauty, he was a Don Juan, totally uninterested in you. You chanted Claude’s words ‘see what happens, don’t implicate yourself too much’ as you approached him.

Suddenly, his tan eyes focused on you as he recognized your figure, so you composed yourself the best you could. His lovely lips displayed a soft smile.

“Hey, Sylvain”, you greeted with an affected amiability. Still, you were tense.

“Hello there, princess.” He winked at you. “It’s nice to see you outside the classroom.”

“Yes, it’s refreshing,” you nodded.

You entered the big building with Sylvain at your side. Neither of you said anything, justifying yourself in the mandatory silence of a library. Some girls giggled as you walked past them, pointing at you two. And you noticed Sylvain looked a bit annoyed. The next thing you noticed was your teacher Catherine distracting the black-haired librarian with her nonstop chatter.

You turned your head to comment something to him, but he grinned, and you forgot your words. You simpered back, and he seemed content with that.

At last, you were in the ‘working-group’ area. The library itself was almost empty – but Dorothea told you it would be filled to the brim during finals week. There were some students chatting and taking notes, but not too many since most of the would be probably going to bars, pubs, and discos. And it was right then when it hit you that Sylvain was not in some sort of date or in a quest to gain the favours of a pretty girl.

So far, you had detected two oddities in his behaviour. Texting and spending a Saturday evening in the library. And the common factor was you.

“Where should we start?”, asked Sylvain as he took a seat, startling you since you were absorbed in your thoughts. You mimicked him and made up your mind.

“Let me thing”, you said. At the same time, you took your laptop from your bag and turned it on. “Since we have to talk about the early history of Faerghus… maybe we can cover the foundation first?”, you suggested. Sylvain had a notebook and a pencil and started scribbling an outline of the project. “We’ll need… a biography of Loog. Or two. And a history book about the 8th century.” You peeked his handwriting. It was neat, with small letters. His S’s had an characteristic flourish.

“I have a good book on the Crescent Moon War, which is also a theme featured in our project”, he said, staring at his sheet. “Well... it’s Miklan’s”, Sylvain grimaced as he added that part, “but I can borrow it.”

“That’d be great.”

“Do you know what’d be great?”, he looked at you. “Watching Loog and the Maiden of Wind! I don’t know what you have against films. It would have been a perfect way to spend our Saturday.”

“Again?”, you laughed.

“It’s for research purposes. No fishy business here.” He placed the palm of his hand over his chest. “Scout’s honour.”

“If I accept will you focus on out project?”, you bit your lip.

“Yes! I promise.”

“Okay. How about we watch it once we’re finished?”

“It’s a deal.” He winked again, looking satisfied with himself. Then, he stood up. “I’ll look for the books we need. In the meantime, you can search on the Internet some good articles on the controversies of Loog’s biography.”

At the moment he vanished, you breathed deeply to calm your heart, since you could almost hear it thudding in your chest. This meeting had been more awkward than you had expected, at least on your part. You wondered if Sylvain was feeling it too, the rusty mechanism of two people who knew each other but had never held a whole conversation in real life.

And all the same… It didn’t feel bad, being next to Sylvain. It was great, even if you were on edge. If you didn’t know it was impossible, you’d describe that sensation as familiar. A déjà vu of some sort, as though you had gone over this stage with Sylvain a million of times and every time your pulse shot up.

You tried to concentrate on looking for articles. You found a couple of them that could be useful, singed under big names of the field that would increase the credibility of your work.

You were absentminded during the rest of your search, trying to figure out how to be natural in your next conversation with Sylvain. You were a little insecure, even when Sylvain seemed to be comfortable with you. Your head was full of what ifs.  

“I got our books!”, Sylvain announced cheerful, interrupting your worry.

He sat again next to you. And you swore he was closer than he was before. You could feel the heat emanating from him, warming your arm. And you could hear him breathing. His scent reached you. He had used just deodorant, which along with his natural smell was intoxicating. His shoulder bumped into yours in what looked like a premeditated manner.

“We could split the work. Maybe we could work together on the main structure and the final draft, and work on the information on our own…”, you said as you tried to concentrate on the pile of history volumes rather than any matter related to Sylvain. Otherwise you’d forget how to speak.

“That seems fair.”

Sylvain made himself comfortable, resting his chin on the hand opposite to you. This way he had a perfect view of what you were writing on your computer – and your face, but you refused to believe he was that interested in you. He was invading your personal space in every way and he didn’t care.

“What do you prefer?”, you asked, all professional. You weren’t going to move away.

“I don’t mind, love,” he shrugged. “What do you prefer?”

“Sylvain, we are a team. You should give your opinion.” He remained silent and you dared to turn your head away from the screen of your laptop. He was smiling, but his eyes were half-close, as if figuring out what you were thinking. “Sylvain?”

“Ah, yes.” He blinked. “We’re a team.” He stopped, savouring the word. “I’ll take the Crescent War Moon in that case.”

He then wrote a couple of lines on his notebook. You could see he was writing down a list of ideas on bullet points. You did the same on a sheet of paper you had on you. After a couple of seconds, he talked again.

“Thanks for taking into consideration my preferences,” he placed his arm around the back of your chair.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, you questioned seriously. You were at total lost with him, so you leant in closer. You couldn’t care less, you were just playing his game. He acknowledged it, because you could see him narrowing his eyes at your movement.

“Let’s say some people is not as nice.”

You didn’t answer. What could have you said? It was not what you were expecting him to reply.

Breaking the bubble that you both had formed around you, two girls appeared out of nowhere. They were the ones you had seen before when you entered the building. Instinctively, you distanced yourself from the redhead.

“Sylvain?”, one of them started. They both were wearing fake grins.

“Do I know you?”, Sylvain asked, showing a bit of discomfort.

“Of course? We had a date in summer!”, the girl continued. She hadn’t taken the hint. “So, my friend and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, go to a bar, then you could come to our apartment, you know…”

You opened your eyes in surprise at the girl’s forwardness. And judging by Sylvain’s astonishment, he wasn’t expecting either such a direct and shameless offer. Did Sylvain have to deal with that too often? It made you feel uneasy. Of course, Ingrid would say he’d deserve it, because he had cultivated his reputation himself, but every part was so wrong. The way they talked to him as if he was a piece of meat, they way they looked at him.

“I’m afraid I must decline your offer, darling,” he talked in his most conciliatory voice.

“What? Really?”, said the other friend, huffing. “You said he’d agree.”

“Well, I’m working on a project with my friend, so… I’m quite busy.”

“I can’t believe you are rejecting us, Sylvain,” she made a disgusted face. “Anyways, your choice. Enjoy your new girlfriend, but I guess it will last like one week before you can find someone better.” Then, they turned around, looking behind a few times and gossiping.

“What the hell?”, you wondered, bewildered.

“Just my routine”, he sighed.

“We can continue another day, Sylvain”, you tested the waters. You sensed something was wrong and that he wanted to go home, and you had the feeling that he wouldn’t admit it by himself. “It’s getting late anyways.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Let’s go” He put the piece of paper inside one of the pages of a volume he was going to take. “We can meet other day to put everything together.”

“Of course.” You started putting away your things back in your bag. Sylvain was no longer smiling.

“Can you pass me that book?”, he pointed at the red one you had on your side.

You took it and offered it to him. He extended his hand, and when he placed his fingers around it, they brushed yours. Your heart started to beat fast.

Yet before you could make sense of the occurrence, a stabbing pain stroke you. It felt like a spear had pierced through you, right below your chest. It was so real, so shocking, tears started to form on your eyes. You felt blood coming out, but when you looked for it, there was nothing there. The pain was beginning to expand, a wildfire burning your torso.

You put your palm where you felt the pain, unable to breathe. Suddenly, Sylvain realised something was wrong. You were opening your mouth to take in oxygen, but it was in vain.

“What’s happening?”, he could be shouting your name, but you couldn’t listen because the only thing you heard was a rush on your ears.

He grabbed your arm, but it only made it worse. It made all those strange phenomena more sharp and real. You whispered a faint ‘let me go’, and Sylvain moved away immediately. His steps were so fast he hit the chair and it fell down.

All of a sudden, when his skin wasn’t in contact with yours, everything subsided.

“Are you okay?”, Sylvain asked, alarmed. You hadn’t seen him that serious in all your life.

“Yes. I…”, you didn’t finish the sentence. Instead you recovered your breath slowly.

“Stop making so much noise! And don’t break the furniture!”, a kid appeared from behind one of the bookcases. His hair was dark brown, and he wielded a broom that he used to threaten. You felt a little embarrassed, so you muttered an apology before grabbing your things and almost running to the exit. Sylvain followed you closely.

“Are you okay?”, Sylvain repeated once you were on the street. As far as you could tell, he was concerned, but more than worry, his eyes displayed suspicion and curiosity.

“Yes. It’s nothing, I just had a problem breathing… maybe it was the dust”, you brushed it off.

“It might have been an anxiety attack. Some people have a lot during their first year at university”, he noted. His smile came back, reassuring. It was incredible how his demeanour could change so quickly. “What a day, huh?”, he laughed. “We should meet again soon. I had fun despite everything.”

“Despite the awkwardness too?”, you replied, both playful and too exhausted from the experience to second-guess your interactions with him.

“What do you mean? That was the best part!”

“C’mon Sylvain!” You denied with your head.

“I don’t know, okay? It just felt nice. You make good company.” He was staring off inro space, and you hoped in the most obscure part of your heart that he was being honest.

“Oh, and you realize that now?”, you teased.

“Better late than never,” your classmate added.

“I suppose.”

Step by step you started walking in the same direction. You were in silence. Each of you had much to make sense of. You weren’t paying attention to the time, until you reached a familiar crossing.

“I’m going this way”, you said as you signalled your direction.

“I’m happy we got paired up in class,” he stated. He was just as handsome as when you met him, but he had a sadder air.

“Me too. See you later, Sylvain.”

“See you.” He stood there, watching you disappear into a corner. Then, he talked to himself. “What a day…”

[yeahhiyellow]

Sci-Fi Writing Prompts

Some of these are angsty, some involve serious ethical issues, and others are just a bit silly. There are several sub-genres of sci-fi in here, including ones about space, aliens, robots, time travel, and more. Have fun, and I would love to read the stories you might make off of these 😶

"I'm going to Venus tonorrow, do you need anything?"

A treehouse for her birthday? The best gift ever. A creepy, alien-like creature sitting on top of it? Maybe not.

"I know everyone gets the brain implant when they turn 16. But what if I don't want it?"

"I hate to interrupt you since you're in the middle of playing your favorite game, but an alien spaceship just landed in our backyard."

"They said the technology of the future would do our jobs for us. That once more inventions were created we wouldn't need to work. But if the technology is now all out there, what are we still doing in these factories?"

Although I know I should've been listening to his speech, my attention kept being drawn down to his hand. One of his fingers was twitching every couple seconds, almost doing a little dance. The movement entranced me and I focused in on it, like a moth drawn to a flame. And that's when it hit me.

"Here at our store, you can design your own soulmate. Want a romantic lover with a sense of adventure, green eyes, and luscious long blond hair? We'll program one for you. Or do you desire more of the quiet, gamer girl with glasses and a cute smile? We can do that too."

"Forget traveling to the utopian future or to my favorite event in the past. I want to travel to every era to fix every mistake in history." "But we shouldn't change those, you know that. The mistakes allow humanity to learn so we don't repeat them in the future." "Be honest. We keep doing the same dumb shit. This way less people will get hurt from the dumb shit we've already done."

"They always taught us the original solar system had been destroyed. In every class I've ever taken, they said the Earth got knocked off course by a rogue planet, the resulting gravitational shifts threw the rest of the solar system apart. Everyone knows that. But then why in the universe is the original solar system still here?"

"We found a way to alter the electromagnetic force. Unfortunately, we also found the way it would wipe out all life on this planet."

"If you tell this to anyone, they'll kill me." "They can't kill you. You're not alive."

"You change each baby's genetic code in the womb. You 'fix' all the mistakes to 'restore' the mutations in the human race to their 'natural' form. But I don't want my child to be fixed."

"I think their ships just destroyed our entire communication system. You might want to get on that."

To whoever finds this journal, know this: they're coming after me. When I die, please, continue the movement I started.

"Just hypothetically speaking, you know, because this would never actually happen, what would you do if you accidentally created a black hole in your bedroom?"

"When they gave me the surgery, I think they did something wrong. I have an official government position now, and yet somehow I'm still able to think on my own."

"Whatever you try to do, whether you read my mind or torture me or kill me," she sputtered, "you will never control me."

And deep under even the basement floor of the office, a robot ripped aart the coffin-like box it laid inside, vowing to never let any human hurt it again.

"The aliens have captured our warships. We have nothing left to defend ourselves with." "Well, that's an oof."

"Did... the moon just explode?"

[itscalledbisexualcrisis]

Scrap Metal - Chapter 5

Summary: 

Hiro broke off her engagement to Kuvira three years ago and left Zaofu. All she wants is to live her quiet life in Republic City, away from her haunting past. Kuvira's catching up to her, but is she going to find what she's looking for? Or is she only going to reveal the secrets Hiro kept hidden from her all these years?

AO3 Story Here

“Now down here in this car are living quarters, you’ll be assigned to a pod today. You’ll be provided basic necessities as well as extra uniforms. There aren’t many of us on the maglev train, but we do use it as our main headquarters. Everything is coed here, I hope you don’t mind.”

Kuvira walked promptly down the hallway going from train car to traincar, pointing out various things to Hiro. She was impressed that such a large metal object could move throughout the Earth Kingdom at high speeds by only using magnets and metalbending to propel it. Upon learning that Baatar Jr. was the one that designed it, she wasn’t all that surprised. She recognized some of the features were emulated from Zaofu technology.

She couldn’t linger in her admiration though. She felt like it was her death march as she followed closely behind Kuvira. Things were being shown to her, but she could only half listen. Anxiety swam through her veins and her thoughts kept racing around. What did Kuvira want with her? For the past few days since the fall of Zaofu, Hiro had been kept in the dark. Literally and figuratively.

While Kuvira was spearheading the conquest of Zaofu, and the official reunification of the Earth Kingdom, Hiro was locked away. She thought maybe she would find Baatar Sr. or Huan, but to her dismay, she was put in a singular prison in Zaofu. She supposed it could be worse; they coud’ve sent her to one of the many camps. She shivered at the thought.

Her new Earth Empire uniform was tight and itchy in all the odd places. She tried multiple times to loosen the collar up, but it was no use. The boots they provided were clunky, but she could feel that they were made of a strong metal under her feet. The whole uniform was. Although not a skilled metal bender, even she could feel how much power emulated when she put it on. It made her feel powerful. She wondered what Kuvira’s uniform felt like then or if Baatar had invented this, too. 

“And finally here is your work station.”

Hiro raised a suspicious eyebrow. They were in the final train car of the maglev. It looked like a brand new train car attached to the older looking one they previously stepped out from. There were two levels so spectators could watch on to the lower level from the deck. Couches were strewn with tables on the upper level. Along the walls of the lower level were individual lab tables and the center had one large metal table. Hiro was curious at how empty it all looked. More specifically, untouched.

There’s no way they built all of this just for me.

Kuvira noticed her silence and cleared her throat.

“This is a brand new train car, yes. We had to replace the old one after an...incident. Follow me, there’s something I want to show you.”

Hiro quietly made her way down to the lower level. On the wall underneath the stairs was a full size map of Republic City and the United Republic.

“I know you’ve worked closely with Asami Sato and Republic City on the latest infrastructure remodel,” Kuvira started. “I want you to copy down everything you can remember from that; the technology, any underground roads, hidden passageways. Keep in mind, these will primarily be used by Baatar, so no need to be worried about the reader having engineering experience. Any piece of information about weapons and means of defense will be especially useful.”

“Why?” Hiro finally broke her silence and swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked around the table. It’s the first word she spoke to Kuvira since she picked her up from the prison this morning. A stack of workbooks stood prim and proper, ready to be used on the center table. The map before her loomed eerily as Kuvira sood in front of it with her back turned to Hiro. There were four guards placed around the room, something she thought was excessive. “The United Republic is part of the original Earth Kingdom. Therefore another piece of the empire that I need to rebuild and take back for our people.” Hiro didn’t like how Kuvira used the word ‘our’. “To be very transparent with you, the Earth Empire is seeking to reunite the full original kingdom.”

Hiro scoffed and crossed her arms.

“Believe me, Republic City doesn’t need to be rebuilt or updated, I’ve already done that.” She knows that may have sounded smug, but it was the truth. “Plus, the United Republic hasn’t been part of the Earth Kingdom in decades. Avatar Aang created it as a neutral territory after the Hundred Year War.” “Avatar Aang failed to return what was lost during the Hundred Year War. That doesn’t change its historical significance to the Earth Empire,” Kuvira said. Her emphasis on the word ‘Empire’ lingered and Hiro could hear the warning in Kuvira’s words. Hiro paused, but took a cautionary step forward to stand next to Kuvira. There was a generous gap between them as Hiro studied the map up close. Her eyes darted around the map of the United Republic, slowly piecing the puzzle together in her mind.

“It’s oar supply is significant, you mean.” Kuvira let out a short laugh before letting her face fall into a cocky smirk. Everyone knew the United Republic had an abundance of natural oar supply, which was a valuable and high-priced commodity across all the nations.

“An added bonus to our cause.”

“This is crazy,” Hiro muttered.

Kuvira clenched her fists at her sides.

“Everyone leave us,” she commanded.

The guards cleared out of the train car and left promptly. Hiro kept her eyes trained on the map before her. She knew there was an oar integral mining plant just outside of Republic City. It was something her and Asami had to keep in mind when making renovations. If Kuvira had control over that one mine, she could power the Earth Empire for months from that singular facility alone. With control of all the mines across the United Republic, the Earth Empire would no doubt become the richest nation.

“I will not take any insubordination from anyone, especially in front of my soldiers and definitely not from you,” Kuvira scolded.

“You can’t be serious about this. You’d be setting off a meaningless war with an independent nation. You’d be hurting thousands of people,” Hiro countered, letting the weight of the situation set in.

“You’re not here to tell me what to do. You’re here to serve your country and take back what is rightfully ours.” She spoke carefully and with a clipped tongue. Her patience was running short, but Hiro didn’t care. This is actually insane.

“What, Zaofu wasn’t enough for you?”

Kuvira doesn’t respond, just gives a vocal exhale through her nose.

“You do not want to play this little game with me. I don’t need to remind you that I have Suyin.” The threat didn’t go past Hiro. She finally tore her eyes from the map and towards the floor. Kuvira knew she couldn’t argue against that. At the end, she knew she couldn’t risk anything happening to Suyin.

“Fine.” She turned around and sat down at the central table, opening up a workbook.

“Glad to hear.” Hiro heard Kuvira walk around the table and behind her. The looming presence made her freeze ever so slightly. “Oh and Hiro? If you try anything suspicious, remember my office is only a train car over. So don’t think you can try to pull anything.”

---

Hiro rounded a corner of the Beifong estate. Nothing seemed to be going right this morning. She was already running late to her meeting with Suyin after spending all night trying to perfect her work for today’s presentation. In her flurry of trying to remember which direction was the meeting room, she didn’t notice the stack tipping a little too far to the right and spilling out of her gasp.

Hiro cursed to herself and bent down, trying to regain some semblance of organization. She bent down to pick them up, not noticing the other person coming up to her.

“Here, let me help you.” Looking up, she was met with the most beautiful green eyes she’s ever seen. She blushes and retracts as the guard continues to collect the papers for her. With her help, she manages to somehow get her stack back in order.

“There you go,” Kuvira says, as she hands over the neatly organized paperwork. Hiro notices how her fingers lingered ever so slightly during the exchange and had to swallow the anxious lump forming in her throat.

Even that simple gesture can send warmth radiating through Hiro.

Who could blame her though? It seemed that everyone around Zaofu knew that the Captain was very charming. In her few weeks of living here, she’s noticed how various other young women and men fawned over the young Captain. Hiro had been too shy up to this point to try to speak to her. Besides she was here to work, not chase after beautiful green eyes.

“Thank you, Captain.”

Kuvira’s smile twitched and she cleared her throat.

“Please, call me Kuvira,” she answered smoothly. Spirits, the rich timbre and bass in her voice was intoxicating. “Are you on your way to Suyin?”

Hiro nodded.

“I can be clumsy, I’m sorry to have bothered you,” she apologized.

“It’s quite alright. I don’t mind helping you anytime, Miss. Zhao,” Kuvira replied. Hiro was surprised she even knew her name. She was still fairly new to Zaofu and kept to herself most times. “I can walk you. I was just on my way to the meeting, myself.”

“I would like that very much, Kuvira.” The name slipped off her tongue was foreign, but she liked the way it curved around her lips. Hiro found herself smiling silly at the feeling and tried to contain the joy that came with saying the name aloud. “And please, call me Hiro.”

---

Hiro itched at her collar with her left hand as her right scribbled down notes in the workbook. Sure she recently worked on the plans for Republic City, and she could probably recite all of the new plans by heart. Spirits, Asami and her basically designed the whole city down to the smallest intersection signage and lamppost placement.

But instead she took her easy time filling out the first set of notes. She spent a lot of time tapping the pages, writing things down only to scribble it out seconds later, and pretending to think for longer than she should’ve or using her fingers to count out numbers. The guards clearly weren’t the wiser about the show she was putting on for them, so they didn’t bother her. Meanwhile, Hiro was thinking of her plan.

These past few days had given her time to think about a plan to take Kuvira down. It was going to be a heavy feat, especially since Kuvira’s new endgame was taking the United Republic. She told Baatar Sr. that she could talk to her somehow, that she could get through to Kuvira. But now it seems hopeless and she was fighting against herself on what to do. All she’s really done is replay their interaction from Zaofu multiple times in her head.

“I didn’t forget”

Those three words made an impact on Hiro, more than she’d like to admit. When she glanced up at Kuvira’s eyes, she thought she saw a shadow of the woman she once knew. Maybe it was Kuvira playing tricks on her, trying to gain her trust somehow. Hiro had tried to keep her guard up during their heated argument, but it was that moment that made her feel something she hadn’t in a long time. The sprinkle of warmth and longing landed in her like a ball of fire. It lit a need within her to know more. And then it was the next words that made her spiral more in her thoughts. 

“I never wanted to hurt you”

Hiro didn’t want to think that Kuvira had cared. She always thought Kuvira had cast aside any feelings for her when she started seeing Baatar Jr. If she truly didn’t want to hurt her, then why do it? It was the question Hiro was so scared to answer, because she never got one. She stopped trying to answer that question long ago. It only triggered her to curl up in tears. Was she not enough? Was their relationship not enough? Was she not useful enough?

Stop.

Her hand had stopped writing and was trembling over the page. Lost in her thoughts she almost forgot her surroundings and suddenly could feel the guards staring at her back. She blinked a few times before completely ripping the page of nonsense and crumpling it up. She started writing on the new page, willing those thoughts to withdraw from her mind. Kuvira managed to bring out the weakest part of Hiro and find the cracks in her heart to chip away at. It was dangerous, and she needed to move forward with caution. She couldn’t let her emotions get in the way again while trying to find Kuvira’s weakness.

As far as she knew, Kuvira’s weaknesses were minimal. Physically was not an option for Hiro; Kuvira could easily overpower her. Hiro could only utilize her own wit to combat someone as calculated and fierce as Kuvira. This would have to be like a game of Pai Sho: slow and steady moves to defeat one’s opponent. Which meant Hiro needed to play strategically for now, and to be brave. With each action she made from now on, it needed to be with purpose.

Hours passed as Hiro continued to mentally psyche herself up, while continuing to fill out a workbook. She was barely halfway done with one book, starting out with mostly descriptions of machinery rather than actual schematics of the framework of the city, when Kuvira returned. Hiro didn’t even realize the train had stopped and that she was starving. From the train window she could tell it was the afternoon now and they were out of the mountains. Probably far from Zaofu at this point, but still somewhere in the Earth Kingdom.

Wordlessly, Kuvira walks up and motions for the workbook which Hiro hands her. Her hands are fatigued and she rubs her tired eyes, then she stretches her arms overhead. Kuvira’s eyes quickly darted across the first couple of pages before turning a beady green eye towards Hiro. 

“You don’t expect me to believe this is all you’ve done all morning?” she scoffed, giving her a once over glance. Hiro tensed. 

“You wanted information about the city, and I’m giving it to you,” Hiro responded. If there was anytime to be brave, it’d be now. She looked up in Kuvira’s eyes, trying to subside the anxiety that’s creeping up in her to look away.

Kuvira turned to the guards and ordered them to give them privacy. When they were left alone, she placed the workbook back on the table in front of her. It was the only thing between them and Kuvira leaned down to put a gloved hand on the metal surface. Hiro didn’t let her eyes move from her and matched Kuvira’s blazing eyes.

“I’m not stupid. Giving me information that even a basic engineer student knows about machines that don’t pertain to system management? You’re playing a dangerous game with me right now.” Hiro’s jaw clenched. She hadn’t expected to be caught so fast.

“I thought Baatar Jr. might need some refresher on the basics.”

Kuvira slams her other fist on the desk, and Hiro resisted flinching. Her eyes were now an enraged shade of green and a scowl danced on her lips.

“I have no patience for your bullshit today,” she growled. Hiro wonders if it was because of her or if something happened earlier to piss her off. Her attitude definitely didn’t help it if that were the case.

Kuvira leaned down threateningly, closing the distance over the desk.

Hiro felt the metal on the shoulders of her uniform suddenly tighten around her neck and her eyes widened realizing Kuvira’s silent threat. The fear sparked in Hiro’s eyes just seemed to rouse Kuvira’s anger. It wasn’t tight enough to hurt her, but she felt the weight of the metal give pressure around her slender neck.

“Well this brings back old memories?” Hiro teased and chuckled lightly to herself at her own joke. Kuvira’s fist clenched and so did the metal, stopping the laughter. Her hands quickly reached up gripping the metal best she could. She tried bending against it, but was easily overpowered, helpless clutching it with both hands. Despite being choked, she could see a light flush creeping up Kuvira’s neck and knew she at least caught the Great Uniter off guard.

“I could easily kill you right now and you want to make jokes?” Kuvira spoke with such confidence that Hiro almost believed her. Almost.

Hiro shrugged as best as she could, the constriction around her throat making it hard to move or speak. Kuvira held on for another second, studying her face carefully, before dropping her hand and releasing her.

Hiro gasped out as she regained airflow. She had still been trying to bend the metal against Kuvira, but with no resistance they flew back and clanged to the ground. Her hand reached up and touched the tender skin around her neck, blooming red with bruises. Kuvira said nothing, simply watching as Hiro took time to catch her breath.

“Well you clearly need me and it seems like it’s something only I can accomplish. Baatar doesn’t know anything about Republic City and neither do the rest of your soldiers since they’re from rural villages,” Hiro explains and coughs. She rubs her neck for some relief as she continues. “Killing me isn’t a risk you’re willing to take right now if you want a clean victory for your empire.”

Kuvira’s eyebrow quirked in irritation. She pulls away and stands straight.

“No, but Suyin is still my prisoner. Need I remind you that I won’t be afraid to hurt her if you disobey me?” Hiro bit the inside of her cheek. Of course. The one thing Hiro can’t control or have any leverage over. “So what’s it going to be?”

Hiro stares down at her work and glances back up at Kuvira one more time before turning to the map of Republic City. She takes a marker and starts drawing lines across it.

“I guess something useful would be the underground passageways running all throughout Republic City. They’re part of an old sewage system. We created a new one, but the old one is still in place and out of use,” Hiro mutters and clears her throat. If her neck didn’t have a rash before, it certainly was irritated now. “My honest apologies, I haven’t exactly done this kind of work in a while. I mostly do Sato Mobiles nowadays.”

There’s a brief pause and the only sound in the room is coming from Hiro’s scribbling.

“You worked on Sato Mobiles?” Kuvira questioned, clearly doubting Hiro’s statement.

“Surprised?”

“You didn’t even have a license three years ago.”

Hiro smiled slightly at seeing Kuvira’s surprised reaction.

“And I still don’t have one. Just because I don’t know how to drive one doesn’t mean I can’t draft designs of it,” she said. “Getting to learn from the CEO herself, made it a lot easier to master.” Kuvira is quiet for a moment, letting the statement settle in the air.

“I’m assuming you and Asami were close.”

“You could say that.” The answer was innocent enough. But Hiro couldn’t help the creeping blush heating on her face and she let the lingering smile show on her lips as she thought about the young engineer. It was also a sad smile considering how she left things. Asami was a great friend, and Hiro loved being around someone who thrived off knowledge and technology as much as she does. Despite how close they had gotten, Hiro had kept a lot hidden from her, afraid of being judged or looked down on. Still, it wasn’t right for her to have snapped at Asami for trying to help mend her relationship with Suyin. She promised herself that the next time she sees Asami, Hiro would finally come clean about her past, no matter how much it hurts. It was only the right thing to do for everything Asami has done for her.

Hiro drew more lines and indication markers, completely engrossed in her work now. She hadn’t even noticed when Kuvira left without another word commenting on her relationship with Asami. The guards came treading back in and with the Great Uniter gone, Hiro let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

To her left was the metal plates that had been previously wrapped around her neck.

It wasn’t the best way that could’ve gone, but hey she was still alive and that’s all she could really ask for at this point. This was definitely going to be harder than she thought.

---

What Kuvira claimed was a room was more like a closet. It was a tight rectangle box with a pull down bed from the wall, only wide enough to fit one person. Directly next to it were hooks she assumed for clothes and a dresser. The thin blanket and soft pillow didn’t look very cozy. For such a high tech train, their means of living was certainly lackluster.

Hiro sat down and rubbed her neck, trying to relieve the crick in it. Her hand grazed the rash and she winced, remembering Kuvira’s threat from earlier. Her gaze turned towards the small square window near the ceiling of her room. What was she doing? After running for so many years, she was right back to the root of her problems. To help the Earth Empire went against her basic morals. She heard about the reeducation camps and Kuvira’s cruelty towards towns after she conquered them. It was wicked and cruel to do to people already suffering. Hiro can’t help her thoughts linger on Kuvira. The Kuvira she used to know stood for balance and equality. She fought for what was right and would protect people. Doing this just didn’t seem like her.

Hiro closes her eyes. Of course this was Kuvira. This is the name she made for herself now: The Great Uniter with her maglev train of oppression. It was both a symbol of hope and destruction; a beginning and an end. And Hiro doesn’t know at what end she was at. This could all be for nothing and she could just be helping the Earth Empire finish its mission once and for all. She was directly helping the impending war on the United Republic. Maybe it was too late and Kuvira was too far gone. Zaofu fell. Their once shared home had succumbed under her rule and she had Suyin prisoner. Maybe...it was really too late.

The shouting outside her door alerted her from her melancholy thoughts. Hiro hesitated before peeking it open and pressing her ear to the small opening she made.

“You need to trust me, I’m not having this discussion again.”

“Can’t you see she’s tricking us, she’s nothing, but trouble!”

“Will you stop shouting! I told you I’ve handled it.”

“You really think she’s going to give us anything substantial? How do you know it isn’t all a trap?”

Hiro’s hand slipped across the handle and the door slammed shut, nearly taking her ear off with it. She cursed to herself. Even after all these years, she was still quite clumsy. The door abruptly slid back open, not to her own doing. She realized someone had metalbent it open and she cautiously stepped out into the small hallway.

Baatar Jr. and Kuvira stood a few feet away down the narrow hallway. Baatar had a scowl on his face and his hair was out of it’s usual cleaned slick back position. Kuvira had both her gloves off and the top buttons of her uniform undone and disheveled. It was either two scenarios: Hiro had either just cockblocked or gotten in the middle of an argument. She doesn’t know which would be worse. Hiro blinked twice and looked between the two of them.

“Hey Baatar…it’s been a while?” Hiro jokes. She was met with silence, neither of them amused by her sudden appearance. The awkward smile left her lips. “I was just going to the bathroom!”

Hiro mentally slapped herself when she realized she’d have to walk past them to go to the direction of the bathroom. She quickly shuffled past them and kept her eyes down. The tension in the hallway hung in the air as she closed the train car door behind her. 

She walked briskly through the train car and past two guards, into the also very small bathroom. She was going to hide out in here for a while and hope that whatever Kuvira and Baatar had been doing outside her room was finished by the time she got back.

She leaned her forehead against the cool bathroom door in exhaustion. By what she heard, they were definitely having a fight about someone. Maybe her? She didn’t want to assume, although it does flatter her. This could be very useful. In the newspaper articles of Republic City, it seemed like Baatar and Kuvira were the perfect couple. They were always picturesque and ready to lead a nation together. It was something Hiro thought was impenetrable. However, if there was ever a crack in the armour, Hiro thinks she might’ve just found it. Another piece in her Pai Sho game.

After some time, Hiro exits the bathroom and the guards are still stationed. It's dark out now and most of the train inhabitants have retired in their closet rooms. It also meant Kuvira was probably also in her room. Hiro walks quietly past the guards, trying to keep her head low as they continue a conversation languidly. Either they don’t see her as a threat or don’t care about what they’re saying.

“Those twins are really getting on my nerves. Someone should show them respect.”

“Nah, that mom is what’s a pain for me.”

Hiro’s ears piqued and tried not to let her interest show. Walking past them, she tries to slow her pace as she moves into the other car.

“Oh well, they’re getting sent to the camps soon enough.”

Hiro let's the door shut behind her. Relief washed over her when she realized Baatar and Kuvira were gone and she immediately went to her room. Sliding the door firmly shut and locking it, she leaned her back against the metal door. Her heart was racing now at her newfound information. Suyin and the twins were here. On the maglev train. Even though Kuvira gave her word, Hiro had to see them herself. And if what those guards were saying was true, she was running out of time.

---

Kuvira was not having a good day.

She partly blames it on the rooms on the train and how uncomfy they were. Granted she had a slightly larger living space than most people, but it still wasn’t comfortable. She often woke up with a stiff back and aching neck. It was something she had never truly gotten used to despite having to live on the maglev train for quite some time now.

She also blames it on her fight the night before with Baatar. She hated when he let his feelings cloud his judgement. Didn’t he understand that Hiro was useful? And if she wasn’t then Kuvira would send her to one of the prisons, as simple as that. But for now they needed any information they could about Republic City. It was all for their cause, she tells herself. And that’s what she tells herself when she goes to see Hiro in the small gap she has in her schedule.

“Here to check in again? Doesn’t the Great Uniter have better things to do?”

“What is your progress?” Kuvira asked, ignoring Hiro’s comment. Today was not the day to be challenged. Hiro noticed too and obediently slid her now half filled workbook. The Republic City map was now completely drawn over and Kuvira had a hard time understanding what half of the different colored words and symbols meant. She skimmed over the workbook. “It’s a good start, I’m impressed with your progress.” Hiro smiled and leaned back, balancing herself on the back two legs of her chair. “Is there anything you need that I could get for you? Did you eat yet?”

“No, but I’ve been on a roll all day I hadn’t noticed,” Hiro shrugged, casually. Kuvira noticed the metal plates on her uniform were completely gone. “I probably need another map of Republic City though and maybe also the United Republic. There’s more I could write and give visual context for. I know Baatar was always a visual learner.”

Kuvra narrowed her eyes, studying the map ever so closely. Then she turned her gaze to Hiro.

“You seem to be in a good mood?” Hiro stretched her arms over her head and yawned.

“Well the food here is better than I would’ve thought. No fire noodles or seaweed wraps, but better than military rations,” she complimented.

“I was speaking about your adjustment to the Earth Empire. I was expecting more of a fight from you.”

“Why? You want me to beat you up?” Of course this was a joke. Hiro could barely bend metal straight let alone fight. “And to answer your question, oh Great Uniter, maybe I’ve just accepted my fate. I mean what’s the point of fighting what’s inevitable? You have Zaofu and the rest of the Earth Kingdom. Republic City isn’t going to go down without a fight, but what more damage could you do?”

A smirk grew on Kuvira’s face and memories from this morning’s meeting came to mind. The one thing that had gone right today was coming along just as planned. 

“Oh you have no idea.”

Hiro’s eyebrows furrowed together and she tsked, observing Kuvira’s behavior.

“Eerily creepy and very mysterious,” Hiro deduced. “Nice to know you’re just as vague as ever.”

“Let’s just say, soon the world will know of the power I hold,” Kuvira taunted. “Your efforts are much appreciated, please let me walk you to get something to eat before continuing your work.”

Hiro gets up and follows Kuvira out and through the train cars. Kuvira had already eaten, but she could take the time out of her schedule to escort Hiro to the eating area set up outside. Hiro was limited to go places on her own and always had one guard to take her to the workstation and back to her room. They were camped out on the outskirts of the Foggy Swamp since last night. The small fleet of soldiers they brought with them were mostly holding down the maglev train. The main group was already deep in the Foggy Swamp, searching for more Spirit Vines. Baatar had headed out this morning with them, using his equipment to track the strongest spirit energy. Right after she drops Hiro off, she would be leaving with the next set of troops. Kuvira glances over at the woman before speaking up.

“I know this may be inappropriate to bring up, but I don’t like rumors spreading,” Kuvira said, stopping mid pace to turn and face her. “I want to apologize for arguing outside of your room last night.”

Hiro choked visibly on her breath, clearly surprised by the conversation topic. There weren’t that many soldiers around them so Kuvira didn’t have to worry about someone overhearing their conversation.

“I should apologize! I didn’t mean to hear any of that,” Hiro stuttered. “I also really didn’t mean to intrude on anything going on.”

Kuvira’s eyes widened as she realized Hiro’s insinuation. “It was nothing like that!” Kuvira defended. Looking at Hiro’s eyes, she saw them dancing with amusement and the slight smirk she was fighting off. She was making jokes?

“I don't need the details, and don’t worry my lips are sealed,” Hiro reassured. “There’s no one here for me to talk to anyway.” Kuvira smiled gently back at her.

“Thank you. I know it must have seemed strange, as how most people perceive our relationship,” Kuvira started. It was a hard time keeping their personal life away from the cameras or the troops. Kuvira made it a point to never speak openly about their relationship in interviews or meetings. It was something her soldiers knew better than to comment on. That is unless they wanted to be crushed by a boulder. “I assure you, it will not happen again.”

“Like I said, I don’t need to know the details.”

It was the way Hiro was firm with her words that kept Kuvira from pressing further and also made her realize Hiro’s visible uncomfort with the topic. She was seated at a table outside away from many of the other soldiers. Her eyes darted around the camp, looking anywhere but at Kuvira. She sighed, realizing she might’ve just made things worse than keeping her mouth shut.

“I’ll be leaving now, I’ll see you again tomorrow.” Hiro didn’t even look at her as she turned and walked back to the maglev. 

---

That night Kuvira slugs back to her room, exhausted, but hopeful. Being the leader meant she needed to always be hopeful for an auspicious outcome. Although it was a very successful day for them, they were going to have to pull in as many forces as possible now to collect all the Spirit Vines. Plus the travel through the forest had been a tiring one, and they had only made it back to the maglev after nightfall. She was tired and smelled like grime, but maybe she’d have to pass on a shower tonight in exchange for at least some sleep.

She metal bends the top portion of her uniform off, leaving her in a black tank top and green pants. She lays back on her bed kicking her boots off. A gentle knock on her door made her sit up. Kuvira resists groaning as she calls out to the person. There were only a few people that dared bother her after she retired to her room.

Baatar slid the door open and gently closed it behind him.

“I want to talk,” he started. Baatar took a seat next to her and when she didn’t protest, he continued. “I wanted to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have spoken out of turn.” He gently reached up and started to help her unpin her hair.

“You are forgiven.” “It’s just,” he spoke up. The worry in his eyebrow tells Kuvira that there’s more he wants to push against. Their relationship was a delicate push and pull. He was her second in command, but in turn that meant she was his superior. She’d be lying if she said their work dynamic didn’t also reflect their relationship. And right now he seemed to be weighing his options of which fight he wanted to pick. “I don’t trust her. I think this is a big mistake to have her coming with us.”

“Hiro knows more about Republic City than anyone else. She was vital in the rebuilding project. We need to be prepared for whatever Republic City has in store,” Kuvira answered. She runs a hand through her wavy hair, scratching her scalp. “Besides, she won’t try anything as long as we have Suyin.”

“I know, but that’s what makes her even more untrustworthy,” Baatar argued. He lay back on her bed and took his glasses off. He rubs a hand across his eyes. “I’m not questioning you, I’m just worried.”

“Are you sure this isn’t your personal feelings getting in the way?” she asks quietly. She didn’t want to bring it up before, but it seemed like now was the only time where they could have true privacy to speak openly. Kuvira’s not oblivious to the fact that their three shared past could become a problem. It was the reason why they fought last night. And clearly it seemed like this was past work and was bothering Baatar on a deeper level.

“No of course not. I love having your ex fiance only a couple doors down from me,” he groans sarcastically. Kuvira shoots him a glare before getting up to change into pajamas. 

“It’s not for nothing. Believe me, she hasn’t been easy to handle,” Kuvira muttered.

“Why do you even bother seeing her then? Just leave the guards to take care of her if she acts up,” Baatar said ominously. Kuvira frowned. Baatar was engrossed with cleaning his glasses to notice. “Or I could keep an eye on her? Check her work to make sure she isn’t plotting something.”

Kuvira thought about it. On one hand it would be the smart thing to have Baatar oversee Hiro. But given their history, they may get less done than if she left Hiro alone. He had a good point though, Kuvira couldn’t keep wasting time watching over Hiro. She had a whole empire to oversee and a plan to execute. Once Republic City and the entire United Republic surrendered to her, she will have completed reuniting the kingdom. Then it would be a period of building prosperity back to her people and she would need every waking minute to make sure she could have that. It only bothered Kuvira that she hadn’t thought about it herself.

“What about Zhu Li? I’d rather have you stay primarily working on the Colossal and the Spirit Canon. But if you could release Zhu Li to watch her, I would be satisfied with that.” That seemed to appease Baatar as he nodded sleepily on her bed. With how small the rooms are on the train, they had separate rooms. He seemed to already be dozing off though. Kuvira tucked herself in next to him, letting his heavy arm fall around her waist. Her back was facing him and she was sure that he was asleep, but she wasn’t tired anymore.

Her thoughts kept her from falling asleep. Hiro felt like a new kind of mystery to Kuvira. She wasn’t sure why she insisted on visiting Hiro herself when she knew she could’ve gotten someone else to do it. Although it seemed like Hiro was being complacent, something just didn’t sit right with her. She was just being too casual, when the Hiro she used to know would be fighting and refusing to work unless Suyin was freed. As Kuvira slowly let sleep overcome her, she didn’t let her mind wander away from the young woman who had somehow once again piqued her interest. 

---

“Again? Twice in one week, I’m thinking you need to get a bag,” Kuvira jokes. It wasn’t something she did often. Most of the time she needed to be professional and save face as the Captain. But in this empty hallway with a pretty woman struggling with papers across the floor, even she could let her armour down. Hiro’s glasses were pushed up to her forehead, revealing more of her illuminating brown eyes. They had Kuvira completely captivated.

She looks up and sees the green and metal clad Captain approaching her. 

“I do have a bag. I just never remember to bring it,” Hiro points out. “Maybe I should start though. This is becoming embarrassing.”

“Only a little. I find it quite adorable though,” Kuvira winks. “If I didn’t know any better I would think you were trying to distract the Captain from her duties.”

“I promise that’s not it! I would never!” Hiro shouts, clutching her papers tighter to her chest. She was on her knees and holding on to the papers for dear life. The glimmering look in Kuvira’s eye was the only indication that made her realize that the Captain was teasing her. And the flush on her cheeks made Kuvira want to see Hiro blush a hundred different ways. 

“Well I don’t know if Su would approve of me shirking my duties, but I certainly don’t mind helping a woman in need, especially one that seems clumsy.”

“Sorry, Captain,” Hiro apologizes, looking down at her lap. “I told you earlier this week to call me by my name.” “Sorry! Again,” Hiro muttered.

“You apologize a lot, is that a habit?”

“Yes?”

“Well that’s something we’re going to have to break out of you.” Kuvira didn’t think Hiro could flush more. She licked her lips and realized that during their conversation they had moved closer together. Their shoulders were almost touching now and Kuvira had even a better view of Hiro’s brown eyes now. Realizing how this must’ve come across, she scoots back from her. “I’m sorry. This is very unprofessional of me.”

“No! It’s not you. Can I speak frankly, Captain?” Kuvira nodded. “You make me quite nervous.”

Kuvira's laugh echoed through the hallways.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.” The twinkle in her eyes gave away that she almost found it a compliment. Of course someone of her rank came with a sense of responsibility, and even her closest friends said she let her “Captain” side incorporate it’s way into her personality. 

“I don’t mean to offend. It’s true though. You probably have the most intimidating eyes I’ve ever seen.”

“If we’re both being frank, you also make me nervous,” Kuvira admitted. Hiro’s eyes jerked up in surprise.

“Me? Quiet amateur scientist who drops her papers in the hallways?” Hiro gawked.

“You intrigue me, what can I say?” It was the truth. Unlike most newcomers to the Metal Clan, Hiro was dedicated only to working for Suyin and Zaofu. Hiro hadn’t tried to seek another form of metalbending or trying to find some kind of self improvement journey; she was here to work. There was a sense of loyalty that came from her, something that Kuvira held high respect for. As someone who has spent their whole life trying to find loyalty or a sense of purpose, Kuvira relished meeting someone with similar goals. It was what drew Kuvira to Hiro in the first place, trying to find more reasons than not to visit the security department. 

“How can a simple girl like me intrigue you? I mean, you’re the Captain of the Metal Clan Guard for crying out loud,” Hiro boasts. “You’re the youngest person to have been promoted to be Captain and you’re a dancer.”

“Stalking me now?” Kuvira teased again. Kuvira’s instincts were right then when she thought she felt a figure watching her while at dance rehearsal the other day. Who knew it was the cute girl she had been thinking about? “It doesn’t seem fair that you know so much about me and I know so little about you. How about we change that? Are you free for dinner tonight?” “What?” Hiro sputtered out. Kuvira was known to be very direct. It was honestly a blessing and a curse. Because right now she could either get a date with this beautiful woman she’s been yearning to learn more about or get rejected and have to face possible repercussions for inappropriate behavior. In addition, she’d have to stop trying to find excuses to see Hiro, and in her opinion that was the worst result. 

“I apologize for being so forward.” Kuvira had a sheepish look on her face. It was difficult to face possible head on rejection from such attractive eyes staring at you. “I find that being direct and honest about my intentions takes away from any miscommunication. I would like to have dinner with you tonight, Miss. Zhao. As a date.”

Hiro’s mouth is agape, taking in Kuvira’s words. Kuvira shifts uncomfortably by the silence that follows, and is ready to apologize and promise to leave Hiro alone-

“Okay. It’s a date, Captain.”

[ask-zadr]

Dib: SO THE BABY REVEAL WITH MY FAMILY IS FINALLY HERE! Zim: i don’t know why it TOOK SO LONG! Dib: eheheh.... yeah..... well - zim, gaz, dad and GIR are going to answer a handful of questions from you guys under the cut! It’s quite a long chat, so everything under the cut!

( special thanks to @ohgod-she-draws for the banner & @cephalonghost for playing zim and membrane! )

Dib: okay everyone! we're going to get right into this. there's a reason zim and i have you gathered.

Gaz: ...this better be important. I was in the middle of my game.

Zim: It is VEEEERRRRYYY Important! Much more important than your lil combat simulations!

Membrane: Son, I really have to get back to the lab within the next hour. Could we maybe—

Dib: dad, DAD trust me. it's important. ok zim.. do you want to say it or do you want me to?

Membrane: What could possibly be—

Zim: ZIM IS WITH SMEETS!!!

Membrane: ... Uuuuh...

Gaz: ...wait.... wait what? you have to be kidding me.

Dib: --nope! and.. and dad he means that we're having a baby. zim is pregnant.

Zim: The only “kidding” here is the one that’ll be born from my spooch!

Membrane: I... What...? When did this happen? Is this a natural—He looks as if he’s... Is this why you finally proposed to him...?

Gaz: gross.

Dib: haha... no. we've actually been trying for a baby. buuut... uh. i've had some people send in questions for all of us to answer about zim getting pregnant!

Membrane: Questions? From who? And just how long--

Zim: Two weeks!

Membrane: ... I am very confused right now...

Gaz: dib is doing some dumb blog thing. i don't know.

Dib: ...LET'S GET INTO IT! ahahahah..

Gaz, what are you up to now? What do you do as a career? Have a SO like your brother? Excited to be an aunt?

Gaz: wow, one for me. i work as one of my dad's high security guards and yes, I have a boyfriend. as far as being excited to be an aunt... I guess so. so long as I don't have to clean up after dibs messes.

Zim: You DARE--Eh...?! GIR! STOP BATHING IN SODAS AND GET BACK OVER HERE! 

Membrane: Two weeks... How is that scientifically possible?

GIR: YES MY MASTER. EHEHEHEH. 

Dib: we found out two weeks ago. we've been trying for awhile NEXT QUESTION!

Gir!!! Are you excited about becoming a big brother? / Having a special, little mini-master around? 

GIR: MASTER HAVING MANY AND MANY AND MANYS BABIES! YAAAY 

Dib: i like to take it as a good sign! gir knew before us.

Zim: Hmph, of COURSE GIR would know sooner than your silly pregnancy stick things. He is FAR superior technology than they are! 

Membrane: Many babies...?

Dib: i think he's talking about zims want for more after this. 

Gaz: you both need to see how you'll be after the first before even considering another. 

Dib: right. uhm. next question.

How are you guys gunna explan the pregnancy science?

Membrane: Yes, I am rather curious about that myself. Research has proven it possible for anyone to carry a child through artificial implantation. And that would explain why it's developing so-- 

Zim: Nonsense! We just did the sex until ZiM's superior body finally accepted the Dib's human-ness. 

Membrane: I...

Dib: i think i know why you're confused. i'm not going to get too into it but uh, zim was technically born female but he's genderfluid. so we had a baby the natural way! 

Gaz: let's not get into what you two had to do to make  a baby... eugh. 

GIR: THEY WENT VER-- 

Dib: NEXT QUESTION!

Careful, Dib. If you get a dad bod, you might end up in the same mess your father is in with the fandom.

Dib: i don't understand what this means...

Gaz: oh god....

Zim: Silence, GIR! 

Membrane: I am also very confused by that statement...

Dib: care to tell us the mess you are in, father 

Gaz: dib, shut up.

Membrane: No, really! I don't understand what they're referring to. Do they mean how I was voted "Sexiest Scientist of the Year"? That nonsense?

GIR: ---HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!! 

dib: ok ew... nevermind...

Congrats on the engagement! how exciting! sorry if this has been asked before but have you guys thought about potential baby names?

Dib: thank you! we have several names in mind. zim came up with them -

Zim: YES! I have come up with only the most AMAZING of names for them! Kip, Lika, and Dewi if they are "male" and Zal for any little girl smeetling.

Membrane: You certainly have quite a few picked out.

Zim: Of course. I intend to birth a whole ARMY of smeets! 

Membrane: Oh--Uh...

Dib: --zim is only joking!!! he's just very excited about having kids! 

Gaz: I like the name Dewi the most out of those... they're not too bad.

Wait a darn minute.. So who'e much more older, Dib or Gaz? I'm very confused because keeps playing tricks on me! ( Ť^Ť ) Also can i have a hug from the membrane sibs?

Dib: i'm older. gaz isn't even 21 yet. and of course you can have a hug! 

Gaz: i'll pass.

Do Irkens nest? Is Zim compiling all of the pillows and blankets in the house to prepare for the Smeets?

Zim: Only the most softest and comfortablest pillows and Mattresses! I have constructed the GREATEST nest to ever have nested! Any smeet of mine deserves only THE BEST!

Membrane: What is an "Irken"? And nesting? I've never known expecting human mothers to create-- 

Zim: YOU'RE LYING!!

Dib: zim is an alien 

Gaz: just get on with the next QUESTION.

Watch out, either GIR will become hyperprotective of the new sibling or he'll be extremely jealous, and that's not a nice thing to deal with (i've been the jealous toddler)

GIR: I LOVE DA BABIESSSSS 

Dib: GIR is very protective. I have cuts and scratches all over my hand whenever he protects zim's belly. zim just seems to think it's funny. 

Gaz: you just let him maul you? actually... that is pretty funny.

Membrane: Dib, it's rude to call an expecting mother an alien. Though it is good to see that the little robot child has adapted well to all this. Not sure about the biting though... 

Zim: Heheheh~

GIR: I MUST PROTECT DA BABIES!!!! 

Dib: .....next.

What if the smeet doesn’t have a binary gender tho?

Dib: we'd... well they're going to get a name either way. it wouldn't change who they are.

Zim: Eh, gender-schmender. 

Membrane: Gender scientifically has nothing to do with the biological sex of the child.

Congrats on becoming a grandfather, Professor Membrane!! Will you be going by "grandpa", "granddad", or "pop pop"?

Membrane: Ahaha. Well, not quite a grandfather yet...  But, I believe that would essentially be up for the children themselves to choose what they call me. Though I am fairly partial to the classic “grandpa” title. Or “Abuelo”.

Gaz: oh god, dad. you're old! it just really hit me!

Dib: hehehehe. yes he really is!!!!

GIR: ABUELLOOOOO

Membrane: Come now, I'm not THAT old.

Zim: I've seen older.

aAAAA this is all happening so fast for you guys oh my god- is everyone excited or maybe even scared about it? I would be honestly

Gaz: im scared for how they're going to handle the baby. 

Dib: i'm pretty confident! i've been mentally preparing! 

GIR: AND STRESSSSINGGGG

Membrane: It is a rather taxing job. 

Zim: Pssh, as if it would be that hard!

Gaz: this is why i'm concerned.

Dib: FINAL QUESTION!

So what does Dibs family think of the whole "having a smeet" thing

Membrane: Well... I certainly wish I had been told sooner about such a momentous decision.

Gaz: I am just shocked. Neither of them seem like they’d be fit to be parents... but if they’re sure... I’m behind them.

Zim: Hah! That's where your wrong, Dib-sister! There is no one is a BETTER FIT for parenting than the likes of ZiM!

Membrane: My, your little partner is quite enthusiastic about this, isn't he?

Dib: what can I say!? Zim is ready for a family. I am too. a little bit.

GIR: BABIES FOR EVERYONNEEEEEE

[antiadvil]

5 times Dan and Fiona were not dating (and one time they were)

summary: Dan has been confused about her sexuality for a long time, and Fiona isn't helping. Or maybe she is? 

Labels are overrated. Having sex with girls is fun. Just as long as there aren't any feelings involved. And there aren't any, right? Right?

rating: M

wc: ~2.8k

chapter 1/12- I’ll get you lost (but I’m having fun)

first chapter on ao3 | tumblr masterlist | next chapter on tumblr

notes: a gift fic for @itsmyusualphannie

Dan didn’t know how to play poker. Most friends would probably take this opportunity to try to teach her, she figured. Not her friends.

“We could play strip poker instead,” Fiona joked.

“I still don’t know how to play poker,” Dan protested. “Don’t you need to know regular poker to play strip poker?”

Fiona shrugged.

“Do you want me to lose?” Dan demanded.

Fiona smirked, looking Dan up and down. Dan suddenly felt very exposed, even though her jeans and long sleeved T-shirt were covering most of her body. “I mean. I wouldn’t be complaining.”

Dan’s face flooded with heat. Fiona was still joking. Right?

“We can’t play strip poker; Dan’s the only straight one here,” PJ joked, bumping Dan with her shoulder. “I wouldn’t want her to feel left out.”

Dan dropped her cards. “I-”

“PJ! Leave the poor girl alone.” Chris elbowed her and smiled across at Dan. “I want you to know, Dan, that I support your heterosexuality, even if PJ doesn’t.”

“Thank you,” Dan mumbled, trying to pick up her cards without letting anyone else see them. Not that it mattered. She was still going to lose.

“I don’t,” Fiona deadpanned.

Dan rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Fiona. Glad to have a friend I can always count on.”

“Of course.” Fiona smiled sweetly.

They played regular poker, to Fiona’s disappointment. Dan lost. Multiple times. She idly wondered what happened in strip poker if you ran out of clothes to take off. Did you just start tearing your skin off? Was that the end of the game?

Chris and PJ left early, claiming they needed to work on a group project (“It was the only time we could find that worked for everyone, can you believe these people?”), leaving Dan and Fiona alone.

Dan thought it might have been the first time she and Fiona were ever alone together. She had known PJ and Chris for a year or so now, ever since they met in their first semester English class, but they hadn’t introduced her to Fiona, who they had known in high school, until earlier this year.

Dan didn’t dislike Fiona, but she was a little bit intimidating. She wasn’t an English major like Dan, Chris, and PJ, her major was something to do with technology- Dan couldn’t remember what. She was openly lesbian, and Dan was very confused about her sexuality, and the fact that Fiona was very pretty was not helping.

“Should I go?” Dan asked.

Fiona looked confused. “Why would you go?”

Dan shrugged. “I’m the only one left. I don’t know, it feels weird.”

“I mean, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. It’d be nice if you did, though. Besides,” Fiona said, walking to the kitchen and beckoning Dan after her, “Look what I have.” She pulled a bottle of vodka from a cupboard.

“Were you hiding that earlier?” Chris had asked if Fiona had alcohol when they first showed up, and she had said no.

“Don’t tell Chris,” Fiona said. “I provided free alcohol once and now she expects it every time she comes over.”

That did sound like Chris.

“Tell you what,” Fiona said. “For such a special guest, I’ll even get out my real shot glasses.”

“I’m honored,” Dan said sarcastically, but she felt a smile tugging at her lips.

Fiona handed Dan the bottle of vodka and pointed her towards one of the doors in the hallway. “My roommate’s out tonight, but just in case, let’s move this to my room.”

It took Dan a moment to find the light switch in Fiona’s room. Fiona’s room was about what she expected- small, a messy desk in one corner, brightly colored sheets on the bed.

Dan liked it. It felt like a room that belong to Fiona.

Fiona entered the room behind her, holding two shot glasses. She took the bottle from Dan, poured the alcohol into the two glasses and passed one to Dan. “Here you go,” she said.

“Cheers,” Dan said, clinking their glasses together and immediately feeling stupid.

Luckily, Fiona didn’t seem to mind. “Cheers,” she smiled, tossing her drink down her throat.

Dan did the same, grimacing immediately afterwards. She never got used to the taste of vodka.

“Another?” Fiona offered.

Dan shook her head. “No thanks. I’m good for now.”

Fiona nodded, collecting Dan’s shot glass and setting it aside with the bottle of vodka. She sat cross legged on her bed and patted the spot next to her. Dan sat down.

“So,” Fiona said, leaning forward, her chin on her hand. “Are you really straight?”

Dan startled. “What?”

Fiona shrugged. “You got weird when PJ said you were straight. That’s all.”

Dan hesitated. Sexuality was a sensitive subject for her. She’d spent most of her life determinedly not thinking about it. What she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, she had reasoned, but lately, she wasn’t so sure.

“It’s okay,” Fiona said. Her eyes were bright and blue, reflecting the light. “I won’t tell.��

“I dunno,” Dan confessed. “Girls are kind of hot, but I don’t know… everyone thinks that.”

Fiona snorted. “No they don’t.”

Dan rolled her eyes. “I mean, not like, a lot. But a little bit.”

Fiona quirked an eyebrow. “They really don’t.”

Dan was starting to feel a bit silly now, but she had come this far. If she backed down now, she’d just feel even sillier. “Girls are always looking at other girls, telling them how pretty they look-”

Fiona laughed. “Dan, you sound like me when I was in grade school. Trust me, when those girls compliment you, they’re not thinking about having sex with you.”

“I mean-” Dan’s face felt warm.

Fiona leaned in closer, so close Dan could smell the soft rose of her shampoo. “Why? Are you thinking about that?”

Dan opened her mouth to respond, but her brain took this moment to go on vacation somewhere very far away. Hopefully it was somewhere sunny. Maybe it even had a beach. Dan wished she could join her brain there.

“Um,” she squeaked. Fiona’s face was very close to her face. Her eyes were so bright, and they weren’t really blue, Dan realized- they were a million dizzying shades of colors all at once, all green and blue and yellow. “What?”

Fiona leaned back. “Sorry. Ignore me. I’m just…” She flicked her hand. “I really need to get laid.”

Dan’s face felt even hotter as her imagination ran in directions it really should not be going.

Fiona noticed. Why did Fiona always notice? “Did that make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to-”

Dan shook her head. “No!”

“Okay…” Fiona said slowly. “Why are you all red then?”

“Just.” Dan took a deep breath, stalling. “Thinking.”

“About?”

Dan’s face, which had cooled a bit, was hot again. She looked down.

“Oh.” Fiona smirked. “You want to.”

Dan opened her mouth, but her brain was still on vacation.

“It’s okay,” Fiona said. She was leaning forward again, not quite as far as she was earlier. Her hand slipped out to grip Dan’s thigh. Did her eyes drop down to Dan’s lips or did she imagine that? “You don’t need to be scared.”

Dan was leaning in too. Her brain had decided to return from vacation, but all it could focus on was the steady pressure on her thigh, the growing warmth in her core, how achingly perfect and pink Fiona’s lips were.

“Can I kiss you?” Dan whispered.

Fiona hesitated. “Look, Dan, yes, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea- I mean, you’re cute and all, but I think we’d be better off not in a relationship.”

“I wasn’t saying- I don’t want-” Dan protested.

Fiona looked relieved. “Okay,” she said, and quickly closed the distance between them. So quickly that Dan barely had time to react before Fiona’s lips were on Dan’s, and oh.

They were so soft, and Dan suddenly felt incredibly self conscious about how chapped her lips were, how rough they must be, but then Fiona opened her mouth, and Dan could taste the vodka on her tongue, and there was no more room in Dan’s head for insecurities.

Fiona tugged her own shirt off before reaching to tug at the hem of Dan’s. “Can you take your shirt off?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Dan said breathlessly. She lifted it over her head with shaking fingers, balling it up and tossing it to the side, where it landed on top of Fiona’s shirt.

Fiona closed the distance between them again, but she didn’t kiss her just yet. “You’re so pretty,” she whispered. “God, you’re so fucking pretty.” She kissed her then, slow and sweet.

Dan kissed back, breathless, hoping Fiona couldn’t feel how warm her face was getting again.

“You really sleep with boys?” Fiona said. “God, they don’t know what they’ve got.” She kissed her again, pushing Dan so she was lying down. “I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Dan couldn’t help but moan at that, pushing her hips upward against Fiona’s body.

Fiona smiled. “Are you ready?” she asked.

Dan hesitated. She was, but- “I don’t know what to do,” she confessed.

“It’s okay.” Fiona’s voice was soft and reassuring as she straddled Dan, pushing her further into the bedsheets. “I’ll show you.”

***

So maybe Dan was a little bit gay, she thought. Or maybe a little bit more than a little bit gay. That was what having sex with a girl usually meant when you were also a girl. Especially if you really enjoyed that sex.

Dan filed this piece of information away to think about later. Now wasn’t the time to have deep, introspective thoughts. Fiona was lying next to her and being very cute. She should focus on that instead.

“We have to cuddle afterwards,” Fiona pouted. “I always cuddle afterwards.”

Dan rolled her eyes, but she rolled herself closer, so her head was resting on Fiona’s shoulder. Fiona wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “Don’t be shy.”

“I’m not,” Dan protested into her neck. The rose scent of her shampoo was even stronger from here, and her skin was a little bit sticky from sweat. It was a little bit nice- like they were glued together in the places their bare skin was touching, Dan thought.

It was also a little bit gross, but Dan had decided not to think about that.

“You can touch me,” Fiona said. “It’s okay.”

Dan reached across Fiona’s body, putting a hand on her hip, tracing circles with her thumb. Fiona hummed quietly. “That’s nice,” she said.

Dan’s other hand was a bit too awkwardly positioned to reach most of Fiona’s body, but it could reach just far enough to land in Fiona’s short, dark hair. “Hair,” Dan mumbled, because she wasn’t sure what else to say.

Fiona laughed. “Hair,” she agreed.

Dan thought her head must be short circuiting. It was just hair, she reminded herself. Lots of people had hair. Lots of boys had hair, but she’d never felt this way about a boy’s hair.

Of course, boys’ hair was never this nice. Fiona’s hair was so soft and nice smelling and Dan wanted to run her fingers through it, so she did.

“I like your hair,” she said.

“It’s good hair, isn’t it?” Fiona agreed.

“Now,” Dan said, “No need to get conceited.”

Fiona shoved Dan away playfully. “Hey.”

Dan pouted, opening her arms and giving Fiona her best puppy dog eyes. “Come back.”

“Apologize.” Fiona demanded.

Dan pretended to think about it.

“Apologize for upholding a patriarchal system where women are expected to-”

“Geez!” Dan said. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

“Good,” Fiona said. She moved smugly into Dan’s arms, resting her head on her chest.

They stayed like that for a few moments. The rise and fall of Fiona’s chest was surprisingly calming. Dan tried to match her breathing for a bit- it was a nice relaxation exercise, she thought. Like meditation, except better.

“I have a dumb question,” Dan said.

“I have a dumb answer,” Fiona said. “Hit me.”

Dan tried to resist the urge to make the obvious joke, but failed. “Didn’t know you were into that.”

Fiona kicked her shin. “Hey.”

“Ow,” Dan said, even though it hadn’t really hurt.

“Sorry,” Fiona said, kissing the top of Dan’s head and moving closer so their legs were tangled together. “What’s the dumb question?”

“What’s your major?” Dan asked.

“Philosophy,” Fiona said.

“Oh,” Dan said.

“What did you think it was?” Fiona asked, a hint of laughter in her voice.

“Weren’t you doing STEM or something?”

“Oh.” Fiona’s face cleared of confusion. “I started out as a CS major, actually. I switched last semester, though.”

“Weird jump,” Dan said.

“Not really.” Dan could feel the movement in Fiona’s shoulders when she shrugged. “Theoretical computer science and philosophy are a lot more similar than most people realize. Lots of logic things involved.”

Before Dan had time to feel stupid for not knowing anything about Fiona’s major, Fiona changed the subject. “You’re an English major, right?”

“Yep,” Dan said.

Fiona dipped her head into Dan’s hair. “Ha. I got it right.”

“Right,” Dan said. “You’re a better friend than me. I get it.”

“Aww,” Fiona said. “I didn’t say that.”

“I did,” Dan said.

“Are you saying something mean about yourself?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, stop.”

Dan considered it. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Then I’ll make you,” Fiona said.

“Maybe I want you to.”

“Yeah?” Fiona turned her head to place a kiss on Dan’s collarbone.

“Yeah,” Dan breathed.

“Well,” Fiona said, “I’d love to, but it’s getting really late.”

“Oh.” Dan tried not to sound too disappointed.

“In fact,” Fiona said, reaching to check her phone, “It’s past midnight. You can stay over if you’d like, but if you’re not, you should probably head home. I’m going to bed soon.”

The offer was tempting. Dan kind of wanted to stay like this forever, but she did have a lot of homework to get to the next day, and she didn’t like the idea of running into Fiona’s roommate, or anyone really, the next morning. She didn’t need anyone to know what they had done.

“I think I’ll get going,” she said.

Fiona nodded, though she looked a bit disappointed. She sat up, reaching for her clothes, and Dan thought she might cry at the loss of her warmth.

She thought that immediately sobbing might not be the best look, so she just gathered her clothes and got dressed.

“Did you bring anything else?” Fiona asked, cracking her door open.

Dan shook her head. She had everything she had come with.

“Okay then.” Fiona walked Dan to the door, where she wasn’t quite sure how to say goodbye. A kiss was way too much, probably, maybe a hug? A handshake? No, definitely not a handshake-

“Text me when you get home,” Fiona whispered, hugging Dan tightly. Okay then, a hug. Dan clutched her back, sinking into her warmth. How was it possible for a human being to be so warm?

“I will,” Dan promised, reluctantly letting go.

Fiona nodded, pressing a light kiss to Dan’s mouth. “Good,” she said. “Be safe, okay?”

“I will,” Dan promised again. She stared for a moment back into Fiona’s eyes, wondering if she dared kiss her again.

Fiona shoved her lightly away and grinned. “Now get out of my apartment, loser.”

Dan was normally good at banter, but something about Fiona’s eyes were throwing her off today. “No, you,” she managed.

Fiona rolled her eyes. “See you.”

“See you.” Dan turned away, finally, and started down the stairs, her lips still burning from Fiona’s kiss.

It was colder than she expected outside. Dan had only worn a light sweatshirt- she hadn’t been expecting to leave so late, or for the temperature to drop so much while she was inside. She shivered, pulling her hood up.

Luckily, her own apartment wasn’t too far away- just a ten minute walk. She unlocked her door and slipped in quietly, hoping she wouldn’t wake her roommate up. There wasn’t a light from under her door- she was either still out or she had already gone to bed. Dan stayed quiet as she moved to her room, just in case.

back, she texted Fiona before tossing her phone on her bed. She could really use a shower, but she was also incredibly tired, so she just changed into her pajamas and tossed her dirty clothes on the floor. She could pick up her laundry and take a shower in the morning.

She flopped down on her bed, rolling over to check her phone one last time before she fell asleep.

I had a really good time tonight and I hope you did too :), Fiona had messaged.

Dan relaxed a little bit. Fiona had certainly seemed to enjoy it, but there was always that doubt in the back of Dan’s head.

i did :) Dan texted back. She hesitated, then added, i’m glad you did too :)

Disgusting. Way too many smiley faces. Who was she becoming?

She didn’t want to think too much about that question. She set her phone aside and rolled over, going to sleep.

[like-twilight]

The Last of Us 2 thoughts eyyy longgg and spoilers

This is my opinion before hearing anybody else’s opinion about it.

I only want to discuss the story as it is the only thing I can really speak of since I didn’t play it for myself. All I can say is I wish I could’ve and I’ll always regret not being able to because I really wish that could’ve been my experience as it was with the first game that I could play myself. It’s also probably noteworthy that the first game was the first video game I’ve played in my life so I’m probably biased.

So I’ll go all over the place because why not.

The false advertisement is extremely scummy and I don’t really know what to do with it, I blame it all on the No Spoilers Culture we currently have going. I don’t think anybody would’ve watched any of the promotional stuff a better marketing team could’ve put together and said “ah you can’t see old Joel in action, I bet he dies early in the game, I won’t fucking play this”. There was plenty of buzz around the game and there was no reason whatsoever to falsely market it. That part’s bullshit and I condemn the company for this.

From the story side though, Joel dying was honestly not that huge of a surprise or shock to me. TLOU is a game that has you watch a kid die in the first section of it then does more than enough to establish itself as a game without taboos. Now whether that’s something you like or not is not important, what cannot be said about the game is that it didn’t establish itself as a game that would do this.

I also think arguments like “Joel wouldn’t go out like a bitch” are silly. The beginning told me Joel, the badass and smart survivor he is, was very quick to adjust back to a small town life with a now pretty much surrogate daughter. I’m not saying that excuses the unceremonious death but to me Joel is not a gun-blazing badass hero, not even an anti-hero. He’s just a dude. He got overpowered and then he died.

See this is where the game could never win. If you leave Joel alive and he’s in the story then it’s just a repetition of the first game. If you leave him alive but he’s not in the game much then you underutilise him and people miss him. Also if you leave him alive then people will just say you’re a little bitch because it’s fanservice that Joel is technically invincible because he’s the face of the game. But if he dies, people riot. The creators couldn’t win either way and so I’m glad they made up their mind and stuck to it. It’s also very useful to get people talking.

Before I tie that into the rest of the story, I also have to mention that one of the few things I heard about the game was the expression “torture porn” and maybe I’m just desansitised but I didn’t feel like it was that overwhelming or unjustified. I didn’t watch too much of the promotional material but I saw what I think was the gameplay reveal where the devs said in this game enemies would call each other by name when you kill someone or they find someone dead. And I think that’s a neat detail but I think it also has a lot to do with what the game is... about.

That the hundreds of faceless people you slaughter during the game all have a video game or more worth of story behind them. They are people with their own twenty plus years of survival in a world gone to hell whose story ends the way Joel’s did. By meeting a person who just... wins the fight over them.

So that the deaths are really personal and intimate in that way feels justified. You also have this crazy technology that allows them to animate people very realistically. This is the last big game for the PS4 and they really just brought the technology to its limits, I feel. For them to then say “oh a sledgehammer to the face doesn’t look that bad” or “we just won’t add more types of weapons and have one type of death animation just cause we don’t want to overdo it” is just. It’s not gonna happen.

I never felt like those were glorified, I think they all added to that feeling that bubbled to the surface towards the end of Ellie’s first stretch of the story where I just couldn’t stop shaking my head, going Ellie... Ellie, what are you doing, look at yourself... look at what you’re doing. So to me that wasn’t really an issue.

I can imagine some people, maybe even most people would play the first stretch of the game in revenge mode. You know, let’s get this bitch. But in the same time, I also couldn’t really deny that Abby was like... kinda right to want revenge. I’m not saying I’m glad she killed Joel I’m just saying she had a reason to. (On that sidenote, Abby being that surgeon’s daughter did nothing to enhance this feeling. I could’ve imagined Abby in a settlement much like Jacksonville where they’re all hopeful because they found a surgeon who’s leading research about the cordyceps, maybe he’s a super good leader, inspires the Fireflies to keep up their spirits, all that. Maybe Abby’s group could’ve been his super close-knit group of soldiers taking care of him and running errands for him, even then the rage would’ve been justified.

I get they wanted to draw the parallel between Joel-Ellie, surgeon-Abby, dad-daughter relationships but that added nothing to the story for me. It didn’t take anything away either, I just kinda rolled my eyes like okay, whatever.)

So when Ellie was on her revenge quest, I liked that she and Dina were in Tommy’s footsteps, I thought that was a nice touch and kinda foreshadowed another section of the story where we would meet up with Tommy eventually. 

Now, Dina and Jesse, I found nothing wrong with Dina or her being pregnant (except that it reminded me of Aniara and I hate that movie with my whole being). I thought it was a good enough source of conflict and I really liked Jesse being around. When he shows up and they’re just saying they’ll get Tommy and then get the fuck outta there you can already tell Ellie is obsessed but you’re still holding out hope that Dina will be enough to get her mind off of it but she’s just too far gone.

So the shift to Abby and the scars.

Jacksepticeye said it while he was playing that Abby’s part should’ve been like a DLC or something but I honestly don’t agree. I mean I don’t disagree but I think it worked the way it was. I definitely think most problems people have with this switch that doesn’t stem from the fact that people disliked Abby or that they can’t admit to themselves that they were caught off guard by the changed narrative style, could’ve been solved with different pacing. Now I don’t know if they would’ve had to constantly switch between Ellie and Abby for it to work or figure some other way out because I’m no expert but still. 

I liked the beginning when it switched to Abby, the whole atmosphere was so eerie like you could tell they were on a collision course and it was going to get ugly. Maybe something like that could’ve worked but it could’ve just been either too suspenseful and tense the whole way through that it draws the attention from the gameplay or it would’ve been even more on the nose than it already was with the parallels between Abby’s group and Ellie’s group.

Now I honestly really liked that Abby’s story was so different because when she returns to the stadium, the part of her story that involved Joel is over. She got her revenge then she goes on with her life. She had a life before Joel entered it, she has one after she killed him. And it just so happens to be a good opportunity for the game to showcase some of the shit that goes on outside of what we’ve known so far and what Ellie knows.

I didn’t mind the religious aspect, I think it makes sense, like enough time passed since the apocalypse that the then grown up generation is distant enough from their old lives, and the generations after them are growing up in the ruins of the old society, that a messiah figure like that lady could emerge. That it just had to be transphobic and shit sucks of course and I do understand the frustration with it. I can imagine better writers coming up with a way to make the Scars despicable without them having our current society’s problems. They could still have the trans and the Asian characters still of course, but without them having to face the struggles trans characters do in our current world.

So that Abby only realises Ellie’s just one step behind her when she still has the climax of her individual story to get through was just. To me it worked so well. Like here we play as Ellie for half the game, this girl is consumed with rage and then Abby’s just fucking off and doing something entirely different because that’s... how little... it affected her. Or at least she personally got her closure and is ready to move on.

I personally liked the conflicts she had in her group, it was believable, it felt reasonable for the kind of life they lived. Of course we already spent one full game with Ellie so Abby was never going to catch up, but if you’re thinking like me then by less than half of Abby’s story you already don’t want Ellie to kill her.

The confrontation in the theatre was messy but since it’s not the end of the story I sort of don’t mind. I know some people don’t like how Jesse died or how little time we have to process certain deaths and story beats and of course it can just be bad pacing but that was again something that to me just brought the player’s world on the same level as an NPC’s world. That for one enhanced the experience for me.

Okay. Let’s talk about the last part that starts with Dina almost dying at Abby’s hands, especially after she says “good” when Ellie tells her she’s pregnant. Of course there’s the callback to dead Mel. But I liked that Lev was there and his presence sort of switched Abby’s role. Up to that point Abby had been Ellie. But then when she has Lev, and she acknowledges him as “her people”, she becomes Joel. And then she becomes a better version of him. Or at least a version of Joel that has mercy.

And you’d think being this close to losing Dina is where Ellie would snap back to it. And she does, for a while.

Here’s when I admit the pacing definitely needed some work regardless of anything. Up until that point we go through three days, albeit twice, but three days. Then suddenly we’re nine plus months later and the setting is different and we don’t get enough time here before Tommy shows up with the end of the story...rope... we got cut in half in the theatre.

I’ll take some time here to genuinely express my what the fuck at Tommy here.

My memory is a little fuzzy here but wasn’t Tommy on board with returning to Jacksonville when they return to the theatre? I actually just checked, Tommy says “they got what they deserved” to which Ellie says “but she (Abby) gets to live” and Tommy says “yeah”. And then when he visits Ellie and Dina suddenly he’s a dick about it saying Ellie made a promise? Is that something that was supposed to happen off-screen or a plot hole? Did that conversation in the theatre have more versions they went through and the wrong reaction got included? Maybe I just didn’t pay enough attention but it felt out of the blue for me and I can safely say that’s the character moment I’m disappointed in the most, especially because we never see Tommy again.

One could argue that the choppiness of time is supposed to symbolise the dissociation and out-of-body experience you can have when you’re living with trauma but I truly just have it down to bad pacing here. I get that they wanted to show the baby but I truly believe with enough polishing they could’ve come up with a scenario that works better and flows better.

I truly could’ve had Ellie maybe leave with Dina and Tommy and then have her turn back before they leave Seattle and then they have the conversation with Dina and then Ellie starts tracking Abby. Here we could’ve had more of what was in the beginning of the story, sort of switching between the two, maybe slightly altered gameplay, etc. Even though the last level as Ellie was really cool and once again I liked how we just barely got a glimpse of how other people live, you know. Those prisoners in those cells have a hell of a 25 years behind them and being freed by this stranger might be the best thing that will have ever happened to them, but to Ellie they’re just a background noise to her mission.

I truly liked those parts.

I could imagine Ellie being kidnapped similarly to Abby but they are treated differently and somehow still end up escaping together, maybe even helping each other the way Ellie almost did with cutting Abby down and letting her get Lev to the boat. And then you’d have Ellie still be consumed by her rage.

The whole time I wanted her so much to just scream everything at Abby. Because look, life for these people is a whole ass trauma. Some people like Dina might handle it differently, or it’s easier with a community around you, but Ellie’s life has been very strange, with her immunity, with the realisation that Joel killed and lied for her, all that. She would need a fucking good therapist. I wanted that catharsis, for her to scream at Abby, to sob until she can’t even breathe, for Abby to do the same, except she realises she got her closure while Ellie never did, and then maybe for Abby to give some sort of... forgiveness to Ellie. For her life not having meant anything in the end.

I don’t know, I wanted that for her.

If there never is a last fight, if Ellie never so much as punches Abby, that would’ve been fine for me.

Two more things that I liked were that Ellie actually started down a path of forgiveness before Joel died. You know, when we see the scene where Ellie tells Joel off you’re like “oh that’s the last thing she said to him, no wonder she feels so guilty” and then you realise, oh no wait, they were actually eventually going to be alright. They just never got the time. To me that hit so much, that was a good scene.

The other thing I liked is Dina leaving. Once again this could’ve been something like, Ellie goes back to Jacksonville and there they tell her Dina left or sum shit idk how that could’ve worked, I’m just saying that losing that farm life didn’t really make me feel anything because we didn’t get the time to grow attached to it.

So Dina leaves, and suddenly you’re back in the room with Sam in the first game when this bitten boy asks Ellie what she’s most afraid of, and she says she’s scared of ending up alone. And this immune girl Joel killed and lied and died for, eventually ends up alone.

So I understand that a lot of TLOU’s fanbase that belongs to a marginalised group, especially those part of the LGBT+ community would be hurt by this ending. By this interpretation. The LGBT+ community, as far as I know, at least a huge part of it, seeks to heal. We use fiction as escapism in a way people who don’t know, who can’t know our struggles will never be able to sympathise with. And as such, we as a community in a large part, have moved on from stories of pain. Not necessarily in that we turn a blind eye on it or anything, but I think it’s a mostly universally agreed thing that after so much suffering we’re ready to see ourselves, and people like us end up happy. And as such the demand from this community towards creators have shifted to not necessarily fully happy endings, but some sort of relief. And as such, this ending is cruel.

It is heartbreaking. My heart breaks for Ellie because I can practically feel the weight in my chest that she carries around when she walks away. She lost everything and she never got the closure. She never got that relief and neither did we.

Once again, if you personally have a problem with this ending and it ruined the game for you, I understand it completely. That’s your own experience with the story, and even though I feel much of the same things, I’m once again left here thinking this is the way the creators wanted to do this and that they did it like this makes sense. It makes sense for the story, the characters, it just does. If it had happened differently in a way that also makes sense, I would not think “oh this should’ve had a heartbreaking ending, this is bullshit” but I do think the ending makes sense.

Overall, I’m pretty much pleased with most everything, except fuck false advertising, fuck Tommy, and fuck uhhh, I’m pretty sure I mentioned something else too. Oh yeah, pacing. Jack actually offered a really great alternative to the beginning, where the museum scene of Ellie’s birthday should’ve been the first scene, and then you could’ve had Ellie wake up four years later at the end of the countdown. That Joel told Tommy about the hospital could’ve been implied through dialogue and interactions.

I also don’t think Joseph Anderson’s theory is hurt by this, he said personal decisions and morality aside, the Fireflies were fucking idiots and they couldn’t have come up with a cure even if they had given Ellie the chance to say yes, because of how unprofessional they’d been and how much they rushed into the surgery. Just because Abby’s dad was a good dude and a good surgeon doesn’t mean shit when you’re dealing with something you’ve not seen before, such as Ellie’s immunity. And I think knowing that wouldn’t have mattered to Ellie either to change her mind about forgiving Joel. And this is what I’ve always said. Like the Fireflies or not, believe in them or not, taking a choice like this away from Ellie because you can’t stand losing your daughter again (and that is why Joel kills the Fireflies, not because he shares Joseph’s opinion) is objectively wrong and borders on the same obsession we see consume Ellie. Joel is just as unhinged by that point as Ellie is, he’s just more... mature about it, I guess.

That could’ve been even more painful, sort of, to not have Abby be the surgeon’s daughter but just for her and her group believe in this doctor that might just be talking out of his ass so much that them avenging his death sets off this terrible cycle of vengeance. I think that could’Ve been very “gritty” and shit, that would’ve hurt because it’s even more pointless. People killing over lost hope.

So, pacing, Tommy, false advertising, bad points, everything else, yeah alright. 7/10 sounds good to me. I will play this one day >)

[alittledizzy]

Hi, Mandy! The podcast with Phil is up! When you have time to listen to it, do you think, you could share some of your thoughts with us? Maybe even do some time stamps with commentary? Like, of course no pressure, but it would be awesome if you decide to express your opinion on the matter ;))) Have a nice day 🌷

My main thought: I love how much more comfortable Phil is talking about his anxiety and things that make/made him anxious now. I’ve never heard him dig in quite so much on how his brain works with insecurities and how intense he can be about editing and how that can cause him to mentally spiral with anxiety. 

Besides that, I don’t think he said much here we didn’t already know, but I sure as heck enjoyed listening to him say it all again. 

Timestamps!

2:30 - Phil would have shown up in pajamas if he’d known it was for a podcast. 2:37 - Interviewer asks Phil when he first realizes he was creative. “I think I just came out of the womb and did jazz hands in the hospital.” 3:00 - His parents gave him a video camera for Christmas when he was eight and he made little friends with his friends. He talks about the horror film he and his friends made when they were ten (that he’s made youtube videos about). He learned to edit then by pausing a video cassette tape and putting the footage in and editing in real time, before he could do it on a computer. He doesn’t know where that creativity came from, but he’s been making videos as long as he’s been able to make videos. 3:51 - He used to watch movies hundreds of times. He wore out the Gremlins VHS tape. He wanted to make things like that, or his own version of that entertainment. 4:05 - Gizmo the Gremlin was his mentor. No, he didn’t have a mentor, but he’s thankful to his parents for letting him do it. If he’d done his homework they’d just say, “Go for it. I’ll get you a video camera if you want to make videos.” He acknowledges that not everyone had that means of doing it, though now everyone has a phone and anyone can do it if they wanted to with a phone recording. 4:40 - When he was young his family was mostly his audience, though they let him play the horror film he made when he was ten at school. “I think having that audience reaction, I was like oh people are actually laughing and enjoying it.” 5:20 - He started youtube because he was impressed by the fact that anyone, anywhere can make something and have the chance to broadcast yourself. He saw people like Smosh and LonelyGirl15. He liked watching people’s lives all over the world. 6:01 - He got two comments on his first video and couldn’t believe it. One from Australia and one ‘somewhere else’ saw it and cared. 6:39 - He had imposter syndrome at the first Vidcon he went to. He went into a party and thought he shouldn’t be in the same room as people like Smosh. It was a learning experience. 6:58 - He found it crazy that a hundred people would come to a panel or meet and greet to see him and it made him feel like this was real, it was really happening. 7:32 - The interviewer asks him how he’s maintained trust with the audience and his answer is, “You’d have to ask the audience, they’re the ones that are still watching. 7:40 - He thinks being himself in his videos has help, he hasn’t had the need to reinvent himself or become somebody else. He feels like his audience are more friends than fans. 8:26 - "You have your long term collaborator, Dan Howell-” “Yes.” 8:27 - He finds it refreshing to collaborate, especially in comedy videos. He thinks he works well in an improvisation style environment, like on the gaming channel. It helps to have someone to laugh and have comedy banter with. It also helps to have someone else with creative ideas so you aren’t in your own head all the time. 9:20 - The interviewer asks about the transition from youtube to the stage shows. It was a big leap - they had ten crew members and it was a learning curve. He’s quite a shy person so going on stage in front of 2000 people was far out of his comfort zone compared to making videos alone. “It was kind of… fighting off my anxiety and thinking, I can do this, these people are here to see me for a reason.” 10:33 - They interviewed potential crew members (about a five minute interview) and they needed to be other creative people and understand the internet. They needed people who understood what they were making, and also wanted people that had a sense of humor and knew how to have a laugh. 11:30 - Specifically talking about TATINOF: they were trying to turn everything people loved about their youtube videos into a stage show, with a narrative flowing through the whole thing. They wanted it to be bigger than anything anyone had seen from youtubers before. 12:12 - You will not be seeing Phil on Strictly any time soon. 12:45 - TATINOF was about 70% scripted but it got changed up based on what the audience were like or what the reactions were. American found different jokes funny than Sweden and they learned to change and mold it. 13:09 - During TATINOF learned he can actually do scripted stuff, because there were scripted sections. He used to say he can’t act but he thinks he did okay with the scripted stuff in TATINOF. 13:52 - Section about the Radio 1 show. It started with him and Dan collaborating as youtubers with Radio 1, and the BBC decided to give them a show. He specifically says that Youtube say how many good comments and views youtube videos get, and that’s how the show came about. It started freelance and then they got the main show. 14:40 - With the radio show, because it’s live you really have to be aware of what you’re saying. There’s an art to working the desk with the music in the background and when to dip it down. They were learning on the go and it was terrifying. For the first three months he’d wake up in the middle of the night with night sweats and have nightmares about saying something wrong. He had panic dreams about the radio, but they got into a flow and he thinks it was an entertaining and innovative radio show. He always likes something that pushes the boundaries of the technology. 15:25 - He shades how 'old school’ the radio is because they had to play music videos off of dvds. If a dvd skipped or broke then the show would just go off air and they’d have to improvise. It was good preparation for doing stuff on stage. 15:55 - He talks about the stage show in America that lost power and improvising it in an unplugged way. He was relieved when people were happy with it. 16:38 - He thinks there are things traditional media could take from digital media: free flowing, less restrictions. On the radio ideas had to go through about ten processes. “By the time you’ve gone through these ten steps of checking, the fun of the creativity is gone about. It’s not about breaking the rules, it’s about trying to be more improvisational and spontaneous when you can. Not everything needs signing off by five people before you tell a joke.” 27:49 - He likes that youtube is more fresh and reactive to pop culture. It feels fresher than television - cites people doing the floss dance on Netflix shows now. It was funny a year ago, and it was written a year ago, but it’s not as funny now. 18:35 - The positive to traditional media is more people bringing experienced voices to the table helping you develop something. Youtubers know a few things instinctively but someone that’s been a scriptwriter for ten years can completely blow your mind. 19:25 - He would like to think the main thing his audience values is authenticity, but he actually thinks it is accessibility that they value more. He’s not like a movie or pop star. 20:14 - He’s fourteen years in and still tries to think of videos that would make him laugh or he wants to watch, but he’s trying to branch out some this year. “Trying new things.” He doesn’t think there’s any shame in seeing someone else’s video and thinking of doing his own take on that. 21:20 - He looks to Safiya Nygard for inspiration - he likes that there’s so much research and planning in her videos. Even if it’s a silly video she has all the facts and goes to all the videos. He got to meet her the last Vidcon and it was nice to hang out with her. 21:56 - He’s inspired by traditional media, too. For a long time it was Scot Pilgrim vs. the World, he used to think if he was going to make a video that was it. He starts talking about editing here and goes in pretty hard on what editing means to him over the next few minutes. 22:50 - He’s good at suspending his disbelief. It’s a good sign if you’re lost in a world. When he saw 1917, he forgot he was in the cinema. 23:13 - “It’s more when I’m watching my own videos, I can’t - I find it really hard to watch it as a viewer. I find I’m so critical of myself and I just see the edits and I’m just like, oh that could be different, that could be different. And even if after I’ve uploaded it I’ll get a text from my friend and they’re like 'oh that was so funny’ but in my head I’m like oh but I could have cut two seconds off that bit. So I think I should learn, and other people should learn, not to be so critical of yourself. Because there can be a point where - I made a video in December and I was looking back at the footage and I was like, I can’t upload this, this isn’t  - this isn’t good enough. But then I just persevered with the editing and it turned out to be really funny. But that self doubt was creeping in like, people aren’t gonna watch this, people aren’t gonna like this. So I need to work on that a bit and think - if people are enjoying my videos I should be able to enjoy them as well.”24:11 - It’s hard not to be numbers obsessed because youtube tells you as soon as you sign in what’s performing well and not. You don’t want to get that feeling when you first log in to your channel, and you can’t really avoid it. “You’ve got to see it as a learning thing rather than an everybody hates me thing.” 25:42 - Once a video is out in the world, he lets it go. He doesn’t obsess over it. He’s more critical in the editing process and actually pressing go rather than after the fact. 26:08 - He’s particularly proud of his coming out video because of the unexpected reaction. The video production wasn’t incredible but he’s proud of the message. 26:40 - They ask him how he’d have felt in 2006 knowing where he’s at now. “No. I’d probably run away.” 26:47 - “I was so shy and anxious, I couldn’t even like… phone for a hairdressers appointment. I was that nervous about public interaction and talking and stuff like that. So the fact that I’ve got to this level now where I can go on stage or talk on a panel it’s just like - it’s kind of mindblowing looking back at where I was. I’m proud of myself for that.” 27:15 - He’s ready to sink his teeth into a big new project, to do something new that’s very Phil and his own thing. He’s obsessed with interactivity. He was making interactive videos ten years ago with youtube annotations and he thinks now broadcasters and traditional media is more accepting of that technology and narrative structure. 28:15 - He pitched one interactive thing that didn’t work out. He shouts out Complex and also Markiplier’s interactive youtube original. 29:02 - It’s good to get feedback on an idea that’s rejected. It would be weird if everyone said yes all the time. He goes a bit in depth here on potential reasons why a project may be rejected and not taking it as an attack or a big negative thing. 30:33 - If he made a film he’d write it, not be the star of it. He’s excited to see where that creative process goes. He’s written a few short stories and tried a long form script. He’s a control freak so he won’t release it until it’s perfect. 31:03 - He sees Youtube as his work, and scripting and pitches as a hobby. He’s not under a deadline with writing and can enjoy free flowing creativity, unlike youtube where he needs to make a video every week. 32:00 - Discussion about the illustrator they had for TABINOF, who worked on The Mighty Boosh.33:00 - When ask him for one thing he’s inspired by at the moment, he says Bandersnatch and talks about it a bit. He still has Scott Pilgrim and Gremlins in his heart, though. “Gizmo’s the one.”

[karimcbride]

Bedtime

Life pulls me away, the mind it wants me to hurry up.

I wait for his breathing to slow, watch his eyelids flutter.

I’m counting the moments until I can peel my limbs from his,

sliding slowly from beneath the blanket to my quiet escape.

I catch myself though, wondering what the hurry is.

To get back down to life where technology waits?

Where I will do what? Numb myself with television?

Maybe eat a snack, or read a book?

I stop and ponder here in his soft bed.

If tomorrow I were terminally ill,

What will anchor me? What will I cry for?

This. Right here. His tiny little elbow crooked above his head.

His nose pushed into my cheek. Eyes flittering as he resists sleep.

His little voice begging “Mommy? Are you still there?”

My brain is slowing now as I watch him.

I feel my heartbeat slow and my eyes are full of tears.

I kiss his forehead and he stirs. 

“I said don’t kiss me anymore,”

he whimpers without leaving my side.

“Okay baby.” I mutter while rubbing his arm.

I’m thinking of my own childhood now.

How my mother used to call me baby lamb.

She asked me if my green grass grew, and she stretched out the ‘a’ in lamb

“Baaaaaby Laaaaamb”, she would say, 

and I’d chirp back “Maaaaama Laaaamb.”

I remember nuzzling into her crooks, the safety and warmth only she held.

I used to kick my leg over hers, desperate to be near her.

When I grew too large to sleep in her bed, I found my way the floor.

As I grew, so did my insecurity. My need to know I was loved.

I remember sadly pondering if my Mother loved me as much as she loved God.

I decided there was no way she could. 

I found myself confused by the jealous I felt.

Laying here next to my perfect child, I smile.

I understand in a way I never did back then.

To ask a mother if she loves God more than her child is a silly question.

I cannot love my child without loving God. I only see God when I look at him.

He is a gift to me, a pure and loving soul.

How he needs me. How he loves me.

It is all so intertwined.

We play this game sometimes where we say “I love you more than…..”

and each time the thing we love each other more than gets exponentially bigger.

One time he asked me, do you love God more than me?

I got very quiet. I said, “No baby, I don’t love God more than you.

But I also don’t love you more than God.

It’s like how Daddy and I love each other but we also love you.

There is no competition in it. We all love each other deeply.

Equally.”

All this goes through my head as I’m laying here with him.

I’m thinking about how writers have a hard time being present.

I try and be mindful, each moment is a living poem.

I’m calling out things that feel good, and the things that hurt.

How he smells, how he feels.

I am here, and I am not.

I am writing a poem in my head already.

I bring myself back. I say shut up to my brain.

And I nuzzle my nose into the scent of his head.

I am here with him, with my Mother, with God.

[calligraphist-artemisia]

The Annual Summer Hike

Summary: My entry for Kidgezine: Roads Untraveled.  Modern AU. When faced with spending her summer at her grandparents house way out in the country, Katie Holt decides to tag along with her brother and his best friend on their yearly hiking trip along a mountain trail instead, where she meets an interesting stranger and his dog. They all end up travelling together and by the end of their journey, Katie can't help but hope for something more.

*shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks* I finally have a free moment to post this! And with the announcement of a second Kidgezine, I feel like my timing is perfect.

Edit 9/5/19: Because I’m a dumb and I forgot, go check out @luce-ciel​‘s amazing art that goes with this! 

Also posted on AO3 and fanfiction.net (under the username kishirokitsune)

-------

The Annual Summer Hike

If Katie Holt was asked to make a list of her top five least favorite summer vacations, that summer would be ranked number one.

Everything about it had gone wrong from the start. Her parents were going overseas for their anniversary and, even though she was eighteen, they didn’t feel comfortable with leaving her on her own for a month. Normally, that meant staying with her brother, Matt, in the apartment he shared with his best friend, Shiro, but the two of them were leaving for their annual hike along Lionrock Trail.

That left Katie with two options: either join them on their hike, or spend a month at her grandparents’ house with zero access to the technology and tools she needed to work on her summer projects.

She chose the hike.

Katie grumbled to herself as she made herself comfortable at a picnic table at the first campground of their journey. Three days in and she was already done with nature and walking and the humidity and the outdoors in general. Her shower made her feel a little better as her hair hung in damp waves past her shoulders, keeping her cool even as it rapidly dried under the evening sun.

Her laptop was freshly recharged and she had a few hours of precious time to get some coding done, so she dove right into it, zoning out as her fingers flew over the keys. She barely blinked. Everything around her faded out and for a moment she could forget that she wasn’t at home in her room.

A wet nose nudged at her arm and, out of habit, Katie lifted it up to allow her dog the attention she wanted. It was only when a larger and much heavier weight settled onto her lap that she remembered where she was.

Katie blinked down at black and gray fur, which was partially covered by a vest with many pockets, unsure of how to react to an unfamiliar dog making themself very comfortable on her lap. “Um, hi?”

The dog happily wiggled, turning their head to lick at her face and whine for attention.

“Aww, you're cute,” Katie giggled. She had no problem gently running her hands through thick fur once the licking stopped. A collar and tags jingled around the dog’s neck and she tried to turn it around for a better look at what it said, assuming there would be a name or phone number.

“Kosmo!”

The dog - apparently named Kosmo - woofed softly at the sound of his name and clumsily got out of her lap.

Katie turned to follow his path, which led to a young man with shaggy black hair. As she watched, he crouched down next to Kosmo, quietly scolding him for being rude and scaring people, to which Kosmo simply wagged his tail and tried to lick his face. 

The man laughed and stood up, his expression sobering as he looked at Katie. “Hey, uh, I’m sorry about him.”

Katie shook her head. “Oh no, it’s fine. He’s sweet.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Katie reassured him a second time before he seemed content that Kosmo hadn’t gotten into too much trouble. The man gave her a hesitant smile and then patted his thigh, calling Kosmo to walk away with him. 

Katie watched them go, breathing a sigh of relief once they were both out of sight. 

That had been one of the most awkward conversations she had been a part of in some time, but at least it didn’t last more than a few seconds. She turned back to her laptop, ready to dive back into her work, but found herself unable to get back into the groove of things. Her mind kept wandering away, back to the handsome stranger and his friendly dog.

Katie paused, her fingers hovering over the keys. Her brow furrowed as she tried to comprehend where her thought process had gone.

Handsome?

“Get it together, Katie,” she mumbled to herself. “It’s not like you’ll ever see him again.”

After that, she managed to get a little more work done before packing everything up and heading back to where Matt and Shiro had set up camp for the night. As she approached, she became aware of a third figure sitting with them.

“Katie, come meet Keith!” Shiro lifted his hand to wave her over.

So much for never seeing him again.

Because of course Shiro and Matt knew who he was. Of course they decided that inviting him to join them on their hike was the best idea ever. Of course they thought the fact that they’d just met just a while before thanks to Kosmo was the funniest thing ever.

Katie snuck glances at him throughout dinner, trying to act like she wasn’t interested in the conversation he was having with Shiro. She couldn’t help but be curious about what he was like, especially if they were going to be traveling together. At the same time, she knew she had a horrible poker face and if she let herself get swept away in the thoughts about how attractive he was, Matt and Shiro would pick up on it for sure and then there would be no end to the teasing. So she would sit back and observe. That was it.

Her resolve lasted throughout the night and most of the next morning, but crumbled by that afternoon when Keith fell into step next to her.

“So what kind of dog is he anyway? A husky?” Katie asked.

Keith shrugged as they both looked at Kosmo, who sniffed along the edge of the path. “My mom thinks he may be part shepherd, but we don’t know for sure. I found him on this trail two years ago and we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

Katie smiled as Kosmo padded over to her. She reached down to pat him on the head. “We have a bull terrier at home. She’s a little older now, but you wouldn’t think that if you knew her. She’s a bundle of energy.”

“The terror of the neighborhood,” Matt jokingly called back to them.

Shiro shushed him, but the damage had been done. Katie stared down at the ground, reminding herself that it was a bad idea. 

It wasn’t the last time something like that would happen. Keith was surprisingly persistent about striking up a conversation with her, and if Katie was being honest, she liked that. He was easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say, which only served to make him that much more attractive in her eyes.

She caught herself staring at him more than she liked. And by the knowing grin Matt threw her way, she knew he’d figured it out too. She had to make a choice; either deliberately distance herself more than she already was, or not let her rapidly developing crush keep her from making a new friend.

It took her several hours, but by the time she made a decision, Kosmo had already taken matters into his own paws. He’d wound circles around them as they hiked along the trail, guiding them closer and closer together until they were side-by-side, so close that their hands brushed together.

Katie was so startled the first time that she stumbled and would have fallen if not for Keith’s swift reaction.

“Th-thank you,” she whispered, feeling her cheeks burn from embarrassment. His hand felt so warm against her skin as he held her steady. It was nice.

Kosmo wagged his tail as they started walking again, still close enough that they could touch. And it was like a spell had been broken. Everything that had held her back before - all of those insignificant, silly reasons - became a distant memory. If Keith was surprised by her sudden desire to talk to him without trying to pass the conversation over to Shiro, he didn’t show it.

Night fell swiftly, but for once Katie found herself unbothered by the darkness of the forest around them. The fire crackled several feet away, where Shiro and Matt were roasting marshmallows on some long sticks they found, but she and Keith were huddled together, despite the warmth in the air. They shared a pad of paper between them, playing games of tic-tac-toe to pass the time.

“Where did Kosmo go?” Katie asked without looking up.

Keith refused to be distracted. “Nearby, probably.”

As if summoned by his name, Kosmo chose that moment to crash through the underbrush, proudly lugging a large tree branch, which he attempted to deposit on Keith’s lap. Katie laughed so hard that she nearly fell over, earning herself eager licks all over her face from Kosmo, who took her reaction as praise.

The hike that once seemed to feel as though it would drag out forever began to pass quickly thanks to her blossoming friendship with Keith. Every day brought a new experience; a new memory.

“Wow,” Katie breathed, staring out over the peaks of the tranquil mountain range. She leaned against the guard rail on the overlook, content to just watch as the fog began to clear from the valley below and the sun started to rise over the mountain. 

“I thought you said you didn’t like nature. You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

To her credit, Katie didn’t flinch as Keith approached. For once, Kosmo was nowhere to be found, probably because he was too busy begging Matt for food.

“Maybe I’ve gained a new appreciation for it,” Katie said.

Keith hummed as he joined her against the guard rail. “I’ve always loved it up here. My dad used to bring me every year and we’d spend time camping. He always wanted to stay longer, but his job didn’t really allow it.”

“What did he do?” Katie asked, finally turning to look at him.

“He was a firefighter. Summer… summer was always a busy time for him, but he made a point to bring me out here anyway. I wish I’d told him how much that meant to me.”

Past tense. Katie’s heart constricted. She didn’t need to ask the reason for that. “I’m sure he knew,” she said gently. “That’s why he came out here with you.”

Keith didn’t say anything else for a long time. He barely even moved when Kosmo padded over to join them, pressing his body against him. It wasn’t until the sun had fully risen over the mountaintops that he pushed away from the rail and held out a hand to Katie. “Ready to go back?”

Katie smiled as she accepted his hand. “I’m ready.”

The days blurred together and it felt as though one minute she was standing at the overlook, listening to Keith talk about his father, and the next they were laughing over Kosmo’s antics, whether the dog was splashing through a river and ignoring all attempts to get him out, or chasing around the local wildlife.

A particularly memorable occasion had them stopping to remove the vest-like backpack that Kosmo wore, in order to properly dry it out and make sure the treats tucked away in the pockets hadn’t gotten too soaked during his adventure.

“You’re a menace,” Keith told his dog, his voice warm with affection.

Before she knew it, that fated final day had arrived.

Cold dread settled in Katie’s chest from the moment she woke that morning. It was the last day she’d get to travel with Keith. The last day she’d get to spend time with him. And though she tried her best to not let it drag her down as they walked, everyone was affected by her melancholy mood. 

She tried to talk. To stay upbeat, but not even Kosmo’s usual antics were enough to cheer her up. To make matters more difficult, Keith had gone quieter than usual.

It wasn’t how she wanted things to end.

The hours passed too quickly and before she knew it, she could hear cars running along a main road. 

Their journey was over.

There was Allura, waiting next to her blue sedan to pick them up. Shiro and Matt went ahead to greet her and start loading up their gear, while Katie lagged behind with Keith and Kosmo, but it wasn’t long before Kosmo barked and ran off to greet another person, his entire body wiggling in joy as he approached a woman who bore a strong resemblance to Keith.

“I guess this is it,” Katie said, her throat tight. She refused to cry. She wouldn’t.

“Katie, wait.”

Katie froze. Keith had reached out to take her hand, gentle enough that if she wanted to pull away, she could easily do so. She turned to face him, unsure of what he was going to say.

“I, um… I was wondering…” He paused to take a breath. “Do you want to get coffee? With me?”

“Coffee?” Katie repeated, not sure she was hearing correctly. The way he’d phrased it, it almost sounded like he was asking her on a date.

“I’ve heard good things about Juniberry’s.” Keith sounded nervous as he kept talking. “Unless you don’t like coffee. We could go someplace else. Sal’s? No, wait, not there. Um…”

He was asking her on a date. 

Katie’s heart skipped a beat at the realization. “I’d love coffee,” she told him, interrupting his rambling. “Juniberry’s sounds perfect.”

Keith looked relieved. “Is Tuesday okay?”

“Nine o’clock?” Katie asked in return, unable to stop a broad smile from spreading across her face.

She had a date!

“Nine o’clock,” Keith agreed. He smiled at her in return before Kosmo ran back to them, barking, and breaking up their moment.

But just like that, the melancholic atmosphere evaporated. Katie no longer felt the dread that had been plaguing her all morning. Things were looking bright.

She couldn’t wait for Tuesday to arrive.

[shortpirateking]

🐍+ 🌇

(I was going to make it as silly as the other, but thanks to a nightmare and some memories, this will fall in line for more hurt/comfort)

(I’ll try to be vague, but there is talk about past abuse and trauma)

The world Ariel lived in was strange, so many humans, so many cultures, and so many habits. Ariel’s world was bustling with noise, life and new technologies that made the chamberlain’s mind whirl. Oh, if only the scientist was here, maybe he could make his own version of some of the commodities. 

Of course, Ariel seemed right at home, preparing meals, feeding neighborhood strays, and just handling life as normal as possible, while SkekSil struggled.

She was much more put together than in the castle, and yet... somehow just a little less...cheery.

More so as Sunday rolled by. That day, she sighed, slowly putting on a jacket as she moved to the door.

“Where is friend Ariel going?” He finally asked, tilting his head.

She paused, seeming lost in thought. “....it’s a family gathering...” she finally spoke, shoulders sagging.

“Seems too down for it to be good” he hummed, tilting his head. “chamberlain sees friend’s exhaustion, why not stay home, yes? No need to go”

She shook her head, “I really miss my grandma, hun.. I can’t just stop visiting her or my uncles because of this..”

“mmm...” His eyes showed thoughfulness, before brightening. “Well! Then chambertain will just have to attend too!”

As per usual, it was a game of convincing her, something Skeksil could easily do all day, and finally he was allowed to join. Thanks to her trepidation, he was expecting something like a room full of annoying and loud generals, but instead came to a house full of interesting and rather calm family members. They played games, joked, teased, and welcomed him well enough. All seemed okay, until the night wore on and her mother appeared.

Her mother motioned for her to follow her into the room, and Skeksil immediately took notice of the other’s sudden tenseness, took note how she shook her head. 

Her mother continued, and finally one of her uncles sighed and nodded to her to follow, which she reluctantly did.

For him, it was odd to see her so...tense and nervous, and as the chamberlain, he took no time in excusing him outside, remembering how the windows were opened, allowing him to hear the happenings within the room they went into.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Nobody cares, nobody understands me.”

“I...i’m sorry to hear that” Ariel’s voice was soft and strained, far too uncomfortable and feeble, unlike her typical loud and carefree voice.

“why do you not show me care anymore? why don’t you help your mother? Don’t you love her?” Suddenly the woman’s tone of voice changed, becoming more accusatory. “You ran away and never told us where you went. You don’t care, you barely cared after Hillary committed suicide, her baby girl she left behind you didn’t even comfort your mother after your grandpa-”

“Stop!” her voice was desperate, but firm. SkekSil knew she was shaking.

“it’s true! you never care about anyone but youself, you worship the computer, you even admitted you had demons visit you!” 

“I NEVER said that! I said I had nightmares, mom I-”

“Fine” the woman sounded angry, and he easily heard the door close, quiet, not the slam he expected.

He would have went off to walk, pretend he didn’t hear, until he heard her ask for him, where he was....He remained still, watching as she turned the corner outside and paused at where he was.

She didn’t look surprised, and instead sighed, motioning him to the car. was she leaving early because of this?

The answer was yes, as she gripped the steering wheel hard, tense and deathly silent, it remained so quiet, that when she finally spoke, he nearly jumped.

“How...much did you hear?” Her voice was quiet, much too quiet, and Skeksil gulped.

“Chamberlain...may have heard some...”

“the truth skeksil..” as she neared a stopsign, she gave him a desperate look, “Please...” it wasn’t an order, but it compelled him more so than even the emperor’s commands.

“all of it..” He admitted, causing her to visibly relax, but give such a saddened and defeated sigh. 

The ride became silent once more, and remained as such until she pulled into her house. before she left, a gently talon rested upon her arm.

“Chamberlain...may not be most trustworthy..” He began, “but...can listen, feel better, yes?”

Her eyes,  now a sea green revealed her distrust, her worry, but for once, Skeksil was being sincere, and she could see it.

Her sigh was defeated, “my mom...” 

“My mom was...abusive..” she admitted, causing his brow to raise in curiosity “not the kind like you skeksis do, but psychological...” She shook, and it seemed like she was about to crack before a wave of past trauma and emotions. Strong, protective, and headstrong Ariel...it was a wonder he had never seen this side of her. “She’d....She’d tell me when the world would in, when I was young, send me into panics...pull that...bullshit, even if I tried to make her happy, comfort her.. She’d belittle me, and-” She continued, a torrent of emotions and past trauma never spoken before falling past her lips, and washing the chamberlain away in shock.

Suddenly, all her actions, all her fears, and  why she seemed to loathe and avoid him so much clicked into place, and he realized that all of it was from one woman, one being....someone who was supposed to care for her offspring.

“I....see” Suddenly, he stopped speaking in his normal third person ways, and Ariel tensed. She didn’t dare turn to him, but he could feel the fear in her frame, as if....she was afraid he was going to put her down, harm her while down.

Which, under normal circumstances, he would have, were it not so personal...were it not so deep set into her very veins that it was practically etched into skin. one wrong word, and she would unravel-

He instead brought her into a hug, feeling her tense, her breath hitch.

“You have no right be be abused in such manner.. “ he finally spoke, listening as her breathing hitched, as soft sobs met his ears. Her body shook, trembling, and for the first time in so long, Skeksil simply listened, and comforted.

(I know it isn’t as good as my other writings, but I needed....i don’t know...to get it out there. It suddenly came back and I needed something to write it out.)

(I’ll try not to write too many things like this but yeah...I’m still shaking as I type and feel a tightness in my chest..)

(thanks for understanding babes)

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 10)

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

10:2 Reichenbach - Of course I like the Cole-storyline, it’s been a long time coming, but he’s so short Sam’s taller than him sitting down! Not that I’m complaining. I’m not hating this. I feel like this rewatch became Sam’s about midway through season 8 and that still holds. Samstel in distress fends pretty well for himself. Also loving Cass, and even Hannah. And Dean is an asshole but at least he kills Lester.

10:5 Fan fiction - Well, obviously this goes on the list. Love this crap. The boys are a lot of fun. And all the girls are awesome.

10:6 Ask Jeeves - anything Bobby related, y’know? And now we know the show’s back to normal, when Sam insists ”being a monster is a choice” and Dean comes blasting through the door with the categorical excessive violence. Ah. Supernatural.

10:7 Girls, girls, girls - sexworkers hustling for souls - brilliant. And Rowena! Is she modelled after Morticia? Anyway she gets quite an introduction, instantly into her. And Crowley dislikes getting tangled w the prostitution ring. Dean’s closing speech to Cole - pretty frickin’ strong.

10:8 Hibbing 911 - Jody and Donna and Alex on the phone. That is all I care about.

10:9 The things we left behind - And now another Wayward daughter! Claire! And Cass being cute. Sam’s hairography. ”Tell me it was them or you!” Well... kind of? And they certainly had it coming.

10:12 About a boy - Dean is appropriately haunted by what happened w Charlie and it’s bleeding into his performance. He gets transformed into his tween self. I like this actor. Omg! Tween!Dean ranting and adult!Sam listening - adorable.

10:14 The executioner’s song - now that’s an intro. Dean bashing Sam’s true crime fad. I’m with ya, Dean! Why would someone w their lives be into serial killers? Cain is looking goooood. And Sam acting like everything’s gonna be okay but knowing differently.

10:15 The things they carried - kudos to the show for not abandoning the Cole storyline. Also fresh monster time, albeit not my favorite monster (it’s a little silly) but still. The possibility of failure catching up w Sam.

10:16 Paint it black - omg! Sydney from Legion! Love her. And Dean relating to her. Love that. Finally some more info on Rowena. Dean in confession. My heart!

10:17 Inside man - Bobby! Barefoot Sam! ”How’d you sleep?” ”Like a drunk baby.” A mime that is secretly a cockroach. That is the story, goshdarnit! But I hate that Sam’s not being frank w Dean about what he’s doing. That’s usually Dean’s mo. Boooh. But I like him and Cass working together. But I hate lonely, self-destructive Dean. But Bobby! But poor Dean! I’m in pain. Okay ultimately it goes on the fave list because things start moving w Crowley and because of Bobby’s jailbreak. ”Dean doesn’t know we’re doing this.” ”Well, that’s a page ripped right outta the Winchester hand book, ain’t it?” I miss him so much. And Dean and Crowley talking. And Bobby’s reaction to Metatron. Lol.

10:18 Book of the damned - ”Can I kill him now?” Oh Cass. I get it. Metatron is like that person who rubs everyone the wrong way, and for no apparent reason, but all powerful. Nightmare. Dean coming clean! Charlie! Mysterious artefact! Thin Lizzy! The brothers dreaming about the beach. Diciplined, deliberate, contained and soft-spoken Dean is adorable. ”What is your mission now, Castiel?” The Winchesters obviously. Charlie and Sam talking about the life <3 Cass finding his grace! Cass and Charlie meeting! Behind Blue Eyes!What time is it? It’s time to spin the intrigue wheel! Deal with darkness it is!

10:20 Angel heart - Claire is back. Oh Cass. Never change. Dean and Claire playing miniature golf. I’m rly annoyed thinking about the Novak-family priorities: Jimmy went like: sure I’ll be a vessel, it’s not like my family needs me. And Amelia went like: I’ll go look for my vessel-husband, Claire will be fine on her own. And then they’re together in dumbass-heaven. And Dean, Sam and Cass leaving Claire to fend for her half Dead mother. They can’t do anything quite right, huh? Still, it gets to stay on the fave list because of Claire. Poor baby.

Worst episodes (in chronological order):

10:4 Paper Moon - Gosh, I’m instantly seeing the upside of Demon!Dean: They’re gonna make this shallow guilt-tripping last the entire season, aren’t they? Watching the Lester-storyline put into a flashback-collage like that; The Winchesters? More like the two Stooges. And ”You killed your boyfriend’s best friend!” Are you being dumb on purpose? Were you asleep during the movie she left for you?

10:10 The hunter games - Kind of a fix-it episode. I’m a tad tired of these constant lines on human morality taking up time when they are kinda beyond it.

10:13 Halt and catch fire - This is pretty terrible. The ghost is in the wifi! Technology is evil!

10:21 Dark dynasty - As fascinating as the Styne family is, they’re wasted this late. Plus, y’know, the obvious, horrible ending.

10:23 Brother’s keeper - Calling a dead girl ”dressed like a whore” under demonic influence or not, is the quickest way to end up on my nope list. Honestly I felt the tide turning in Dean’s favor but nah. Yeah, Yeah, i get it, he’s losing it, but I’m back on team Sam. My god, these final speeches between the brothers are starting to feel as engaging as ping pong, as well as resemble it. ”Let’s try the same dialogue as we did last season but change places.” And it’s kind of stupid because the subject matter is continually engaging. Also I’m not clear on why Dean had to kill Sam and that’s just, not good.

Honorable mentions:

The relationship between Cass and Hannah has me weak at the knees at times. I rly like it.

Dean and Sam going by Collins and Gabriel in there’s no place like home.

Dean inadvertantly describing himself accurately in the Werther project: ”You’re looking at me like i’m some diseased, killer-puppy.” Lol.

Crowley torturing a guy w darts, and talking to the hamster.

Dishonorable mentions:

I dig Rowena but not her motivations. Or maybe it’s more along the lines of me not liking it. The only power worth having is the power to be free. Everything else just seems like a hassle.

The fact that they don’t try dismembering all monsters and burying the parts seperately- which seems to at least slow down anything- instead of playing along w silly ancient self-fulfilling prophecies ”Cain must be killed w the first blade” Have they learned nothing from Buffy?

Piero the 16th century italian artist preferring bottle blondes.

Things that makes you go hmm:

Soul survivor - Okay. So. If Sam used his own blood to cure Dean - would that count as a trial? He certainly didn’t care about blood types or sanctified blood, or maybe I missed something. Either way, it irks me. Actually, could we skip this whole guilt-trippy demon-cure schtick? What Sam did is n.o.t.h.i.n.g compared to what they’ve done before. And heaven and hell is increasingly unepic- not that I mind. And ”He says he doesn’t want to.” Who cares?? The shit you’ve put each other through for ten seasons; you’re so beyond asking each other for permission.

Summing up:

This is definitely Dean’s season, he gets to be a badass demon as well as show great restraint, my two favorite things. Unfortunately Sam’s behavior is a bit ooc again, he not only shouldn’t have but wouldn’t have kept his work a secret from Dean, he’s more of the earnest, nagging type. Plus, the execution of the season is chaotic and confusing. Probably the lowest ranking season so far.